He called to see me today..
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| Fri, 01-21-2005 - 1:59pm |
So, my cell phone rings today, I was a little surprised to see his number. He had the day off today and asked if he could take me out to lunch.
I could have easily said yes, but I said no. I reminded him that I can't see him privately, and reminded him why. We do see each other, like last weekend, when me and H get together with him and his W. I guess in his mind, it's not sex, it's just lunch, so why can't we hang out. For me, every time I see him, I feel like he wins, because he doesn't need sex with me, he just needs to see me and thats enough for him. But for me, seeing him privately keeps that connection between us..the one I'm working at breaking.
I also thought, is an hour of seeing him worth the hit I take to my pride by going back on my rules of no private contact. And I decided it wasn't.
Although, you know how it goes...you spend the moments after that phone call feeling sad that you not with him when you could have been. But following through on your intentions is the only way for him to take you seriously.
Just wanted to share my little victory I had today, and hope that someone else may think twice before giving in to the temptation to see your X.

Hp-
GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I know how hard it is. You made the right decision.
SS
Way to go girl!
I made a mistake awhile back. XMM called sounded so depressed. So I agreed to meet for a little bit at a restaraunt in a hotel that he was at for business. He asked if I wanted to go up and I said no that I was there strictly as a friend. So then it was time to go - he had an excuse that he had to get something out of his room could I walk and talk with him and then I can go. I felt bad for him, he was so depressed and it was just talking, so I agreed. Well..... BIG BIG mistake.... he tried to kiss me, extra, extra... I told him no that I had to go and he knew I didn't want to do anything. Finally he came to his senses and he walked me out. It made me very uncomfortable. That is my inspiration for never meeting him again. I have not told anyone that story. That experience showed that he did not respect my wishes or my feelings. Lets's just say if I had any doubt about ended it I no longer felt that way that day. I still tried to be his friend through phone calls, but I should of known that it wouldn't work. Being friends by the phone was not being fair to my DH. Also I learned that being friendly just not to hurt someone is not the way to go either.
just my mistake story.....
Luv
Edited 1/21/2005 4:47 pm ET ET by luv4me2004
Thanks to my cheering section :) It's a small step, but an important one.
I also wrote him an email, which I needed to send. I am one that unless I say whats on my mind, I cannot move on. Here's a little of what I wrote:
<<>>
I say that his life goes on as normal, because never once during our A did he make one sacrifice for me or us. But I had to make many. It's a part of this whole thing that I'm bitter about most. They weren't things he asked of me, but things I did or didn't do as to not upset our relationship.
HP-
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I am the same way. I disclose everything to him, but I'm realizing he doesn't do the same for me. There is so much more I have to say. But....I cannot do it today, tomorrow, or even next week. I have to give myself time to gather all my rational thoughts in one place. Because at the moment, I want to make him feel so low. I have that power in my words. But...tomorrow...I'll be sorry and feel differently. Everyone handles grief differently. I respect that...but for me...I can't just leave in silence. I did today, but eventually I'll let him know.
SS
I just started NC. I did good today. Kept busy. Tried to think about other things when he came to mind.
I know I'm going to get weaker before I get stronger.
<<>>
That is EXACTLY how I feel. Well put. This is what I will remember when I start to weaken.
Stay strong-
Breathe
Update on my post.
He's now taking to being spiteful since I told him I couldn't see him last week. Nothing bad, but being the friend I'm trying to be, I sent him an email greeting for a special milestone he had recently..he never opened it. When I asked why, he said because I wouldn't see him last week when he called he feels that whatever I had to say doesn't mean anything, or I would have chosen to see him... so he chose not to read it. I asked why didn't you just delete it then, he said because it would have appeared that he would had read it before deleting it, so he wanted me to unsend it. So I did, and sent him another email saying a few choice things I wanted to say, and he never opened that one either. So I unsent that one, and instead sent one with only a message in the subject line "So now your not opening ANY of my emails? You won't be hearing from me anymore".
I guess the friendship we had going with the four of us will have to find a way of disipating somehow, because I have had more than I can't take with trying to remain friends with him..all we do is pass blame and keep re-hurting each other. So, it looks like I will be where many of you are now, trying to maintain NC whatsoever..something I wished so badly I didn't have to resort to.
Hi Pup,
I know NC seems harsh. You feel like you've given part of yourself to this man, and you have. In friendship, it seems like that part of you can live on... but NC seems so... final.
Unfortunately, it is final. It has to be for you to heal. This is a gross analogy, but have you ever seen in biology classes how if an earthworm is cut in half, it will heal itself and grow a new tail? But if you keep holding that knife in the same spot, there's no room for the tail to grow in.
You lost part of yourself but humans have the ability to regenerate, emotionally. You can grow that piece back, and better than ever. But first you have to move that knife (that MM) so you have the room to let a better, more self-loving piece of yourself grow in.
You're on the right path. You have the strength and courage to make it through, although right now you're in pain so it doesn't feel like it. You also have a HUGE showing of support from all the ladies here to help you get through the rough times.
Try not to focus on him at all anymore. He is gone from your life and you are growing a new tail ;)
Feel free to email me anytime if you ever want to talk. I'm single, so no worries about sending anything inappropriate.
Hugs to you, sister!!!
"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t
Thanks so much for the support.
For me, NC isn't neccesary for me to get over him, but what is necessary for me to get over him is not SEEING him, especially alone. But, the reason I'm thinking NC is needed at this point is because we keep re-hashing who wronged whom and it's getting old. With the A being over for several months now, why should I still be letting him get me upset!? He knows, and have known for some time what it would have taken to keep me in his life, yet, he failed to prove to me in any way that my feelings on this were important enough to him.
Don't just SAY you love me, SHOW me. It's what I did for him during our A..like I said, I did or didn't do things for the good of our relationship..never did he ask these things of me..but when you love someone, you do every reasonable thing you need to do to alleviate that persons concerns and make them FEEL loved.