He contacted me today ...
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|Tue, 04-22-2003 - 2:01am|
Hmmm. Ok. So it's 11 weeks today. I'm just starting to feel normal again. It's been about two weeks now that I haven't cried every day. Two weeks ago I thought I would be crying every day FOREVER. I don't cry every day anymore, and I'm even past most of the vicious hatred and anger. (I wished the most awful things for him.)
I should have known he would call just as I was starting to feel better. I know I shouldn't contact him, but I am awfully tempted. What would I say?
I would probably say something like:
Good to hear from you. Good to hear you love me, I love you too, but you hurt me very much. I don't want to go through anything like that ever again. The last eleven weeks have been very difficult for me and it's only recently that I've begun to feel better.
As much as I would like to be your friend, I don't think it's possible now. I don't know that it will ever be possible. Please feel free to contact me in the event that you are free (i.e. no longer married). I would be happy to discuss a relationship with you if and when you are free. Until that day, I still think it's best that we have no contact. There's been too much pain all around.
Something like that. What do you all think? I could also just send him one of the last e-mails I sent him back in February over again. It's the one in which I originally asked for no contact. In any event, there's certainly no harm in mulling this over for as long as I want, right? No need to do anything about it for as long as I want. He wasn't in any hurry to get a divorce, why should I be in a hurry to respond to him, right? Right. I am right.
In fact, I don't really have to respond or do anything, do I? It's not like he's calling to tell me he and his wife are headed for divorce court. Nope. No such thing. He's just reaching out because he thinks I might have changed my mind. Maybe he thinks I might be willing to be friends. Well, screw that. Amazing. Absolutely amazing.