He doesn't want me....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
He doesn't want me....
15
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 6:44am

Hi all



Well Im still hanging in there- barely! I havent contacted him (after I broke NC last week) and he sure as hell hasnt tried to contact me. I know thats a good thing- but it

You are what you consistently do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 9:25am

Just wanted to give you some ((Hugs)). As mentioned here many times, the 1st 3 weeks out are brutal. The withdrawals are painful on every level. I also wanted to commend you on all of the hard work you are doing. Purging your thoughs through jounaling, reading until your eyeballs start rotating, posting until your fingers ache, shows us that you are really giving this your all. You can't ask more from yourself than this, honey. Of course you are still going to question, doubt, grieve, feel off balance, etc., but these things are all part of the healing process.



You've been given some excellent advice in this thread and I agree with TU that all of you newbies

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 11:31am

I thought the Carousel one did a fabulous job of describing the pulling back we've both experienced from exMM.

I've been taking my own advice and writing out the list of what going back would bring for me ....37 negative things so far, all around fear, anxiety, self doubt, second guessing and obsession ...AND that's just about the emailing side of it!! I haven't even got to the hypothetical seeing him bit!!!! It also flowed out faster then I could write it down...

It's hard Iggy - I'm with you on that one

Bird

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2010
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 1:23pm

Iggy...you and I are like emotion twins, it seems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 6:06pm

Good Idea Songbird,

I do not miss any of the feel goods. I am much farther out than you tho. I am no longer addicted. I caught a pic of me just after our break up. I ended things, he would have been fine with it going on forever. I am pretty sure he has learned nothing. He has fished. I have been able to ignore. I used to want him to fish, then he did and I hated him for it. Now when he fishes he gets a little reaction n then I get back to real life.

Leaving you be is the best thing he could ever do. It is selfless. My exAP was only about himself, always about himself. Himself only.

I saw a pic of the time just after we broke up, it was flashback of pain. Utter dispair and degradation. It is over tho and I am so close to indifference. I used to hate em....called him a devil. Now I feel sorry for him and I feel like he is just so lame....lame....funny how the tables turn.

Seeing your words takes me back in time. Total reminder of the shiz I managed dig to myself out of with the help of this board....Just the thought of an A makes me shutter.

Back to you. I am just getting to know you a bit, I would like to say welcome and that I am finding you to be very insightful. That is half the battle...you fog has started to lift. Keep in mind, its ok to have thoughts, its what you do with em that counts. U are off to a great start and you have the EAS army right with ya. We are witty and strong bunch....happy to have you join us.

All former MAS'ers... welcome. We are not meanie as some would have you think. We are pretty awesome. And will care for you more than you do yourself. Stay around

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 12:16am

Oh DJ- you are sweet-



Yep sounds like you and I are in a very similar place. I wax and wane every day. I shouldnt have ended it, oh but I had to, Im sure this is just a rough patch, but he hasnt put any effort in for months, I shouldnt have done it, but surely he could have fought for us... blah blah- its bloody exhausting!



Like Bird I have written a list of all his bad qualities and the bad things I felt while in the affair. I have highlighted the things that WOULD STILL BE THERE even if he fought for us and tried to make this work.



The whole A made me a different person- an obsessed, stressed, distant woman who's only focus in life was him and how he felt about me. Thats only a few short actions away from madness and destroying my family!!!



Hang tough mate. The EAS girls will tell you to ditch that phone. I agree with that. I think everyone knows how hard that is though.



Lets just get through day by day, week by week. They all say it gets better.



Iggy xxx



You are what you consistently do

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