He dropped a bomb today

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
He dropped a bomb today
23
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 7:19pm

OH. MY. GOD.

i am so mad and so..... &^%$#$%^&*&^%$#$%^&!!!!!!!!!!

I was doing well today. Saw him a couple times.. no biggie. He comes into my office and asks if he can have a hug. I say no... that's not a good idea. He leaves. He corners me again at end of the day to tell me that if I keep pushing him away someday he won't be there when I'm ready to come back after he's out of the house and there's a reason he needs to stay and it'll all come out soon but I could have pushed him away by then.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 7:39pm
And I have to say, as I sit here and stew, that my gut is telling me it's something minor and he's blowing it up into something major to a) get me back and b) give him a "reason" for staying. URGH!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 8:21pm

Phew. Well...You know...i can EMPATHIZE with the insanity doled out in bunches by these people.

But Im short on advice. :(

I dont know how you keep your sanity going LC . I dont. I get nary a call or pop in very few and far between and I bend and fold like a willow branch.

Ill say first, IM SORRY YOURE FEELING SO FRUSTRATED! Im sorry, we cant just have these things be OVER when we WANT THEM to be. :(

Second, Everyone on my post gave some great advice to me - if you read that - that might help you as well.

Its so much easier to deal with the pain of ending things - when they ACT DEAD. Unfortunately I guess, selfish people with big narcissistic egos - will FISH and PUSH - to just get a little 'feel good' outta yah...regardless of how that makes you feel, or what you have to go through or do - in the aftermath of selfish behavior.

I guess we gotta toughen up (at least to their faces) and come up with a broken record technique of responding when they do get NEEDY.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 8:25pm
Well honey, it sounds to me like he is saying a lot of nothing. Manipulation comes in many forms. Don't buy a word of it, and even if his W will be dealing with something serious, where would you fit in anyway? Once again you will be an outcast sitting on the sidelines while he concocts more fabrications to try on for size. In a few months time you will have changed...it's a gradual change but you won't fit into anything he tries on you by then. You will have gotten affair smart (like street smart), and will recognize his con artist qualities much quicker than before.

Don't allow yourself to feel like the bad guy...yeah, I know, easier said than done, but he is counting on this. Just another ploy. Dodge it...Tell him in no uncertain terms that his personal life is no longer of interest to you. Fake it till you make it, honey. Those of us who have to work with them become great actors. In time you will be able to pick and choose your own script, and I can guarantee you won't want Xmm in your new film. ;-)

Ride out these intrusions with as much dignity as you can muster. He will eventually see that you are no longer traveling the same road you were once on.

((Hugs))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 9:13pm

I guess I am a bit confused here because you have ended it no? So, if you've ended it, why does it matter what his wife has or doesnt have?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 11:11pm
I'm answerong you all in one place...I hope that's ok.

It's over & he's trying to pull me back like "this is.why I couldn't leave but when this drama is.over I can'...missing the point that a) its over & b) he lied to me about this before. (but for years I've.bought into his manipulations so he's pretty dang confused now!) So, we.ended with me not budging...but saying that didn't change anything.

I knew he'd get desperate but wow. But I am calmer now & just trying to figure out how not to get cornered at work anymore and just need to sound clear with "sorry to hear that".

Thanks guys!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 11:22pm
Ok...you just keep doing you. He is really pulling at strings...probably all lies. Sad...so sad. So now you know the play before it's called. Walk away. Do whatever it takes but keep it moving...his hope is that he wears ya down...hope u see that. If you hold your ground...he may not like it but it will show him better than anything you could ever say to him, that you respect yourself and his reign over you is OVA!
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 12:02am

((((Konline)))))

Don't be concerned about what is going in your X's life, be concerned about what is going on in yours. He could be telling you the truth about his W, in which as you state he would need to be by her side,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 1:22am

What a coincidence that all this comes out now at the exact time you are finally not responding to him and his advances. Sounds like a desperate attempt to get you to feel sorry for him and bide more time. And if she is really very sick then that would be even more of a reason to end it, so he can do the right thing and devote all his time

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2009
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 4:24am

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 8:12am
You're right... he's getting desperate. Thank you!!!!

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