he fished, but didn't expect what he got
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| Thu, 02-25-2010 - 12:11am |
ladies,
i am shaky and tired and a little dumbstruck, but i am free. xap fished all day saying that he wanted to be transparent to me, wanted me to trust him, wanted me in his life. confessed that he has a "nasty habit of chatting with other women" to provide a false boost to his ego, but that it was over. swore it would never happen again. wanted to give me access to his email account as i had requested previously.
i signed into his email account and found that he had been attempting to chat with others today even, that he has accounts at various singles and matchmaker's sites, and that in general he appears to be a compulsive liar, a compulsive womanizer and god only knows what.
i texted him back after looking through all his stuff--and told him that it was over and asked him to please not contact me anymore so that i can begin to heal. can you believe that he was angry?!? i asked him to please delete my photographs from his email account, and he said "do it yourself."
so, girlfriends, that is exactly what i did. with shaking hands i deleted every letter, every text message, every picture that we had ever sent or rec'd from each other off of that account. there are no shreds of hope, there is no more fog. it's a sad, sad thing, and it is finally over.
lillie

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Lillie,
you broke NC to respond to his fishing. He didn't get what he wanted but you also didn't follow NC.
Maybe he DID get what he wanted... to yank your chain. I don't want to bring you down, since you're new to this, but if you really believe "silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard", you need to start practicing it.
Tomorrow is Day ONE for you. Day ONE.
NC is NC. it's that simple.
Wishes for strength and wisdom,
Dee
Sorry, but I have to agree with Dee. You broke NC and you gave him what he wanted: your time. He stole another piece of your time by you checking on his accounts. It is OVER. No reason for you to check his accounts, you are no longer with him.
Sorry don't mean to be harsh but NC has to be strict and enforced.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No New Hurts
Silence is Golden; Silence is Dignified; Silence speaks volumes.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
ya gotta walk the walk before ya talk the talk.
Hi Lillie,
Its not a sad sad thing honey....its probably the best thing that you can do for yourself-let it be over!!
I do agree that you shouldnt have broken NC but, you did. Thats over with now, youre back at day 1. And trust me (coming from someone who broke NC @6 months) its not worth it. Im back looking at all the reaosn why I did that, why I allowed that to happen, back to dealing with the thoughts of him creeping into my mind...it didnt take long for the fog to set back in but it will probably take twice as long before it leaves.
Pick yourself back up- re commit to yourself and let the compulsive liar and a compulsive womanizer go.
Hugs
Debbra
Lilialma,
You knew better and broke NC, but they have already called you out on that, start again momma and block him and delete him every way possible. Your exAP and my MM sound like twins....they are quite alike, I did all the stuff you did before I went NC... Such a a waste of time and energy, good that you protected yourself by deleteing everything, make sure empty the trash folder too if you have not done so. FYI-When we delete around here..its a celebration, not a sad day. It is you declaring "its a wrap" Its your beginning to take your power back....you making a choice to be good to yourself!! Come on chica!! You gotta stay in this and not break the rules, look at this as a dawn of a new beginning (i know it sounds so cliche)...but better than looking at it as a sad ending right? Cuz ending an A is really good thing if you really think about it....
Much love, hugs, and support always
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Nobody follows NC perfectly.
Comments and
Thank you all for your thoughts---especially those of you who did not judge me harshly for breaking NC. I know that NC is the cornerstone of recovering from the poisonous, toxic sludge that an affair is, but I don't believe that there is a "one-size fits all" way to apply it. I made the best decision for myself that i could, and for me, it was the right thing to do.
If I may explain my situation. From the time I started posting here most recently, i had not responded to xap's fishing attempts and stood firm in my resolve to get myself out. what persuaded me to break NC---and as God as my witness, I broke it only to tell him that it WAS over and to not contact me anymore--was his offer to give me access to his email account to see for myself what was in it.
before now, and without the inspiration and support of you women i look to every single day, i would NEVER had had the strength or courage to obliterate everything that had passed between xap and me--- countless thoughts, letters, pictures, conversations. our relationship was primarily an online one, so those things were the very essence of what we shared. when i cleared it all out, i felt strong and empowered and unburdened--for the first time since i got myself into this mess.
that last chance, that last "break" was freeing and cathartic for me--i dumped it all, everything. he has burned his bridges with me, and now i have burned my bridges with him as well. i am still lonely, and withdrawing, and sad, too---but i know that it is the price that i will pay and vow to keep putting one foot in front of the other to move forward and away from the mistakes i have made in my life.
thank you, again, for your thoughts and support.
lillie
You speak the language of someone who is ready to move forward.
Comments and
((Lillie))
FWIW, I agree with Victory and think you did what you had to do. Now onward and upward, my friend. You have the tools, you have the determination, you have this board, and you have a whole new future to look forward to.
So go forth and conquer! ;-)
(((Hugs)))
~Iddy~
LillieAlma,
Ok chica!! Way to go, now dats what I am talking about....obliterate!! Good job!! You are on your way and we are with you!!
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
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