is he fishing or just been friendly ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
is he fishing or just been friendly ?
10
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 11:45am
hey ladies. its been a while but im back for some much needed advice. I tried to take a break from this to help sort my head out but things have taken a turn in my life. A bit of background...me and XAP who is still my co worker are spilt over a year now. Things were pretty intense between us. I left H for him then we split up due to a series of rows. A few days later he jumped into an R with another co worker who he is in a serious relationship now with. I got back together with my H after a few months and have been working on my M ever since.
Anyway for about a year XAP treated me like rubbish, he ignored me, made snide remarks, really rubbed it in about his new girlf. He wouldn't even smile at me let alone speak to me. It broke my heart. I on the other hand remained dignified and treated him like I would treat any other person in the office. All year though he has really gone overboard with the new girlf bringing her on many holidays, moving her into his house and basically treating her more like a W. Sure he was telling her he loved her only weeks after pouring his undying love for me and asking me to move in.
Lately me and XAP have moved office as our company split and he has all of sudden started talking to me again. Telling me things about his life, sending me songs, videos and bascially just being the friendly guy he was before we got in an A. There has been no flirting or any inappropriate remarks from him at all. But i am not sure if
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 1:49pm

GVC,

One of the vets will add their views here I am sure. Here's my take, (remember this is coming from an XMM that is ending an A with an XMW).

1. If my XMW sent me music, I'd consider that flirting. One of the things we did as we were falling into our A was to share music.

2. If you are truly working on your M, ask yourself if you'd be comfortable telling your H that your XAP and you are "just friends". You know, "Oh, don't worry honey, he's just sending me music and stuff because we are friends". Yeah, I'm sure that'll go over big with your H.

3. You don't have to hold a grudge. Whatever emotions work for you, work for you. But, you have to remember what you have between you and never forget that you went there once already. Besides, why would you want to be "friends" with someone that treated you like rubbish, made snide remarks and was in your face about his new GF?

4. The fact that he got involved with another coworker soon after you ended you A, is enough of a sign that he doesn't exercise very good judgment, let alone any concern for you.

You want to know what is game is? I think you answered it yourself.

MPV

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 2:09pm

He's fishing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 2:43pm

thanks so much for your reply. I think you are right about everything there. I probably thought all that before i wrote this. Just needed someone to enforce the thoughts. I have been trying to convince myself that he just likes chatting to me so has started again because his girlf cant see him any more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 7:06pm
He's just checking in to see if you care anymore. He will measure that by your responses. And then he will proceed with what he thinks he can get away with. Don't stroke his ego by responding, simple.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 10:47pm
What he said.

Chocolate Valentine


"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sat, 01-23-2010 - 7:45am

Sweetie, "When the cat's away the mouse will play." ;-)


You can never let your guard down, gal,.....never. Whatever his intentions are, be very cautious around him and protect your space at all costs. There is nothing wrong with being civil to one another, but anything more than this is asking for trouble all over again.

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Sat, 01-23-2010 - 8:04am

i think the whole looking for ego strokes maybe right on the mark. I mean he spends all day on the phone to the girlf and talks about her a lot so he must love her. Therefor while shes not watching him he must be fishing away just to see if Im still attracted to him to build up his ego and make himself feel good. Its just hard to figure out as the conversation is pretty normal and casual. We never ever get into deap conversations about relationships, us, the past etc etc. In fact we both kind of act like none of it ever happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 10:54am
well think my question has been answered, definitly dont think hes any interest in starting our A back up. He was just sitting there telling me how about him and his girlf spend most of their holiday in bed and had to drag each other up...why on earth would he feel the need to tell me that. He obviously wants me know how great things are between him and his girlf. Well he got a fairly akward reponse from me..i was just like "eh really thats nice"..I really didn't want to be hearing things like that. Damn wish i wasn't so sensitive :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 5:56am
Im not really sure, I think in theory its possible to be friends. This guy doesnt sound like much of a friend though and I wouldn't worry too much about 'his' intentions they don't really matter if you just see him as a friendly face. If you feel friendly towards him and the interactions cause you no pain, honestly. Then fine! Sounds to me though that you are not getting much pleasure out of this friendship and you might me better off going back to being civil aquaintances. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 6:45am
hi JAM thanks for that. I think thats just it. His interactions with me are starting to stir up old feelings which