He IM'd me again

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
He IM'd me again
12
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 9:19am

He is not on my buddy list, let me make that clear...BUT he can IM me from his cell phone. too wierd.

Anyway I told him to stop IMing me and to go to hell. (I guess I'm in the angry phase now)...he told me that he is moving in two months.

Okay, so I guess he's waiting for me to panic and ask where he is moving to. I didn't reply. It doesn't matter where he is moving to. He talks alot through his butt anyway, because he owes his ex wife 4 grand in child support I can't see how he can afford to move.

So now my attitude is I don't care.

Jazzdiva

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 10:00am

<<>>>


(((Snicker)))) <------------- Sorry, I'm not laughing at your situation, just the thought that went through my mind that he's moving because he owes that kind of money. Disappearing perhaps?

 

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 11:37am

THanks ID...

Not that its important but he isn't trying to dodge child support, he can't pay because he lost his job. I would guess he is probably moving to be closer to his kids and so he can fight with the new stepdaddy they are going to have. So glad that I don't have to listen to him and his problems anymore. It was always about him and his chaotic life.

I am not ready to truly feel indifference, although I have been putting on the act that I feel that way. I think he is in some kind of denial that it is truly over while I"m feeling all the pain and the anguish and stages of saying goodbye.

Right now I wish I could just find a way to make my husband slip down the basement stairs. I keep leaving banana peels around the house but it isn't working.....

thank goodness i still have my sense of humor. On that note I am going to go now and dye my moustache. There is no way I am going to be spending Christmas depressed AND have a hairy upper lip.

Jazzdiva

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 11:52am

Well we spoke for a good minute or two. And that is all that it took for me to get my bearings back. I hate the way he is so much in denial about this. It isn't even like he's unhappy. That makes me angrier. He is once again taking me for granted the way that he always has. Thinks that I don't have the guts to call it quits for good while he can make up all the rules of the relationship. Man, is he wrong. He told me that he will call me later, and I said please don't, there's no reason to. He said that he is moving but not sure yet, he has had four interviews. I said well that doesn't really matter. he said "i think it does". I said "it doesn't matter when it comes to us"..and he said "i think it does". He is a moron and I want to smack the crap out of him and his cockey attitude.

Thank goodness I had my period today and christmas will be over soon. I need to get strong again and stop being so wishy washy.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 1:31pm

<<>>>


I apologize for being presumptuous. I thought you were much further along in your progress being that you have been posting for almost a year and a half.


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlending/?msg=10950.1


Id


Edited to add: Continued contact means continued pain.




Edited 12/24/2004 1:34 pm ET ET by id_diosyncrity

 

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 1:45pm
Yes you are presumptuous. I have attempted NC and have broken it off many times. I make no secret of that. We had a wonderful year together this past year so I really thought there was some kind of hope for us. Once again things are in the crapper...SO, instead of going into archives to find out if I have posted before and what my situation HAD been, how about offering some support and/or advice to me about the PRESENT situation, otherwise maybe you shouldn't say anything at all.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 9:58pm

Hiya SCU,

<<>>

Some questions:-

What's the best case scenario if you do end this affair?

What's the worst case scenario if you do not end this affair?

If this moment, right now, were the best the affair would ever get again, would you continue it?

Are you willing to settle for the worst case scenario?

Are you happy to accept life like this for another year? Two years? Five? Ten? What's your time limit, SCU?

When does whatever it is he wants begin to matter less than whatever it is YOU want & need out of life?

Ok, what efforts are YOU willing to put into achieving the best case scenario for YOU?

Remember that no one else can do this *for* you and never ever forget that we have zero control over anyone else on the face of the planet except ourselves. Come to think of it, when you're doing it right, you have little time to be attempting to control much besides your own actions...

It's utterly pointless trying to make someone do or not do something; to love or not love someone; or want/not want something - Repeated failure does little more than break our spirit and reinforce/exacerbate any existing lack self-esteem. Lose/lose. I like ROI's quote about how "persistent failure is not a fertile ground for success."

So how about taking charge of the direction your own life takes rather than attempting to hang your happiness on someone who obviously makes you miserable -or- by chewing someone a new orifice for caring enough to look back at your story?

Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 9:03pm

Posie,

thank u for your response. I want to be happy and Yes, i do know that I am the only person that can do this. I have to really want it and that is the only way I can end this for once and for all.

As far as chewing someone a new orifice, that isn't what I was doing. We do that much differently in New York and if I were to do that I'm sure NRE would pull that post off in a millisecond..LOL..but seriously, someone looking in archived messages for mine is a bit like stalking and makes me feel uneasy. That is just the way that I feel. I don't need to be reminded that I was year a year ago, I know that better than anyone. My whole A is a very long love affair with many ups and downs and I'm not about to go into the whole story here, I wouldn't want to bore anyone. The past doesn't matter to me anymore, I'm focusing on the here and now. I still am not where I need to be and I'm struggling to get there. I think that posting here may not be helping me move forward and I need to do something different.

Thanks again for your interest and your thoughts. I take them to heart and I appreciate your time.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 10:20pm

Hiya SCU,

New Yorker vs Londoner orifice excavation...might just well be a draw there! ;)

I have archived posts on this board, MAS and on ASB. Sadly, the ones which would be most telling would be the ones I made to a board which no longer exists. It was a private yahoo group on which I regularly had my arse chewed by some women & men, too, not dissimilar to the people found on the All Sides board.

I really wish anyone who wanted to view them could do so freely since it paints a pretty stark picture of where I was and as I'm bludgeoned with some clarity & self-awareness by some pretty amazing people, you would see in rather un-glorious technicolour just how I arrived where I am today.

It wasn't pretty. I kicked & bit & pulled hair (often my own) & raged against everything I didn't want to believe because it didn't fit in with what I *wanted* to believe. It took a long time for me to buy a ticket to nevermind board the clue-train. Sadly, the board closed down and with it the archives.

<<>>

I've said these very words, SCU. Probably verbatim. Knowing you should and actively doing it are two very different things. I won't feed you horse pucky, SCU, you simply don't wake up one day to discover yourself cured. Distance will bring some clarity, and lack of contact will break your dependence on the addictive biochemical cocktail of the love buzz. Time, on the other hand, won't heal a damn thing if we don't choose to let it.

Lean in close now, here's a lil secret just fer you...It's all about *choice*, SCU. Sounds simple and it actually is. You get to choose what happens to you. Really. You do. That said, we can also *choose* to complicate matters as much or as little as we wish.

I'm going to add a link here to a particularly thought-provoking post by Selket (an invariably thought-provoking & once upon a long time ago exOW) on ASB because it's jangled all kinds of bells for me and I'm 7mos out of my affair. See what you think. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rbmyaffair&msg=7288.98

Wishing you strength, peace & happy holidays,
Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 10:32am

Congratulations on your new "I don't care" attitude towards xMM. i hope it provides you the impetus to ignore future IM intrusions into your new-found emotional freedom.....


cl-nre

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 1:00pm
well i say that I don't care but obviously I do otherwise I wouldn't be so broken hearted. But I do have some kind of new attitude. Christmas was rock bottom for me. I cried and cried. I wasn't just crying over him, I was crying over me and the pathetic loser that I have become. In love with another man that turned out to be a schmuck. I"m a cheater, and I'm ashamed. It took four years but I am totally ashamed of my life and ready to try and move on with some dignity which I feel that I no longer have.

Jazzdiva

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