He just sent me a text..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2010
He just sent me a text..
20
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 12:20pm

Ughhh..I am here so hoping that you all will help me not reply to XAP text message. He just sent a text saying hi and asking me how I am/my weekend.


I just want to cry..I want to reply..but why?? I feel like a true addict right now..addicted to this..


I can't reply..can't...


RG

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 12:24pm

Ugh. It is times like these that i am so grateful that my xap does not fish. I made it clear when I ended it that that was it- and yes, sometimes my ego cries out for it, but I am glad he has not so I wouldn't be faced with this.

You simply cannot reply and you know all of the reasons why- they are listed in every post on this board. So what do you do? You just don't reply- it's as simple as that. When you diet, you don't eat french fries- you just don't. This is the same.

I know it's not that easy, but if you resist this fishing attempt, you will feel so proud of yourself. You will regain control and feel a sense of empowerment that you have not felt in a long time.

Stay strong.

Jane

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 12:27pm

No you cannot reply!


Why? What good does it do?


Then what's next? The roller coaster all over again? The same pain, the same mess, the same frustrations. It's so not worth it, not worth your precious time.


Stay true to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 12:29pm

Running,


Get a grip. You do not need to respond to that text msg and you know this. Just delete the damn thing. Nothing is going to change EVER with this JAM and you need to accept this...right NOW. Don't let him pull you back into the cesspool again. Addiction or not, you are a grown woman capable of making better decisions for yourself, so start by doing this now. Delete and block. If you can't block, just keep deleting them until he gets tired of sending them.


It's time to truely starrt your healing and you can't do that as long as you continue playing around a hot stove. The temptation to touch it must be removed immediately.


It's your future at stake,


   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 12:38pm

So.... what are YOU going to do to keep from texting back? Huh? Are you going to block him, if you can? Are you going to delete the texts without reading them? Are you going to get busy doing something productive? Read the Healing Library? Call someone for support or distraction? WHAT?

Dig in your heels and stop the craziness of the A. YOU and only YOU have the power to control your life. Get busy with it, Dear!

xo
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2010
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 1:28pm

Thank you ladies, so very much.


I did not reply..won't reply. XAP does not know it is over, but I do. He did not give me a "heads up" when he decided to contact other women, so I don't feel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 1:32pm

runningrl,

congrats on not replying!!! I know that had to be so so hard. It took strength and strong will and courage! I just want to encourage you to stick with it. If you can block him from your phone- do it! Next time you might not be so strong, and all it takes is 1 text message and your back in the twisted mess of the A. Trust me, I know.

If you can't block him, consider getting rid of your texting plan on your phone. At least a little while. That's what I eventually had to do, and it has worked for me so far :) Do whatever it takes to get out of this.

(((HUGS)))
Hazel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 2:03pm

It really does sound like you are playing games with your XAP. It sounds like you are saying because he contacted other women you are punishing him by not talking to him. You are playing a game of cat and mouse.


I did not reply..won't reply. XAP does not know it is over, but I do. He did not give me a "heads up" when he decided to contact other women, so I don't feel

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2010
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 2:28pm

I am not playing games with XAP. Not playing Cat and Mouse...definitely not.


I appreciate your response, but I am not doing those things you stated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 4:48pm

Congrats on not texting him...keep up the good work. Can you possibly change your number? I think that might be necessary if you feel so addicted or not...although the strongest thing to do is like what Iddy described, delete, delete, delete....it is so empowering. I had to keep some for evidentiary purposes since I was accused of being a crazy and deranged stalker....anyway back to you.

Sidenote, I have read your story about you ExAP....read most, if not all your posts, your exAP sounds very familiar to my MM, he likely never stopped contacting other women...they were always likely there. Most importantly, since when are "heads up" an issue in a A.?What regard do you think he was ever going to give you that he does not give to his W/Live in GF or the like? There are no rules in A's. I am just trying to change your mind set so you can look at your time with ExAP from a realistic view so you can move on and heal. He was never yours...so him having to give you a heads up to contact other women...as painful as it is, is none of your business or concern. He will be he who is, you can not change him....but you can change you and the way you think.

I know your pain, my MM not only had W but a new OW immediately, she was so charmed by him, he had her calling my house leaving me nasty vm's....yeah it was that bad.

Stick to your guns...or change your number, time to be a big girl...

Luvin

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 4:51pm

RG- I hope you don't feel that anyone was attacking you. I think everyone replied out of love and concern for you. You are right- A's are definitely an addiction! I have often felt that texting exap was a drug and I definitely got a high from it.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I care and that I hope you are doing well! Keep up the good work :)

Hazel

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