He made Contact .. need help here

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
He made Contact .. need help here
17
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 8:32pm

HI

First of all MErry xmas to all - best wishes.. and happiness..

Its Xmas day, I went to sleep last night at about 12.15 and when I woke just now, I saw a missed call from xOM on my phone, followed by a text that he tried calling but no response. He wished me merry Xmas and said to wish my family, to take care and "be good". Whatever the be good means...

What do i do? Should I send a response "Same to you"? Its Xmas and I am so confused because there has been NC for 15 days now and this has suddenly loomed up befor me. I just hate to be unresponsive on Xmas, but if I respond he may take it as an opening to another chat or something. Apparently he was ill with jaundice and this was his first drink in a month. That sounded wierd because he had said nothing to me about the jaundice before we split up. This is his modus operandi, I think he expects me to say - OH be careful, you shouold not drink anyway after a bout of jaundice. Or Maybe he wants me to just generally show some concern which I am not going to at all. IF he was sick I am sure his family and friends who were so imp before looked after him well enough..

SO please please write back , I need some advice on this one.. being Xmas I do not know if I should ignore his wishes.. I would like to respond with a very short "same to you" but need to knwo if that would be a good idea..

Trish

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 9:09pm

If you've made it 15 days, I wouldn't respond at all.

If you open that door he may take it as an invite to call or write again.

I say no contact, but that's just my vote. He's got a family of his own to take care of whatever illness ails him.

Good luck, sister!

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 9:11pm

Trish,

I guess there is no big problem in saying Merry Christmas but what would be your reasons for doing it? Are you feeling guilty for not responding to his good wishes? Do you just feel all soft and wishy washy because it is Christmas? Texting "same to you" won't kill your efforts of NC unless it turns into conversation like I had with XOM today. I really don't feel like anything has been "disrupted" because I don't feel any differently about him and our situation and I'm not eager to run back into his arms. Still, it proved nothing.

I'm looking forward to the holidays being overwith so I can go back to routine and not feel all soft and squishy because of goodwill towards men and all that CRAP. I had Christmas dinner with my H and kids and we watched a christmas movie. I felt bored and depressed. XOM is at his brother's house surrounded by tons of people and I"m sure he's drinking and having a great time, you think he's thinking about me? bulldinky!

Oh yeah, this was about YOU. sorry..lol....Trish if you text merry christms it opens the door for dialogue. Do you want to go down that road. I say let it go. If you absolutely can't then keep it simple but don't converse anymore after that. That is my opinin which probably means jack because I am the biggest failure at NC that there is.

HUGS

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 10:34pm
Sunshine and Undone thanks for replying
Sunshine I know what you are trying to say and my better sense tells me not to reply.
But once again because it is Xmas and he did think of me and call and text. Yes what Undone says - is correct, I am feeling all mushy due to all this Xmas spirit. Why does it make us so weak? All emotional and all that jazz..
Undone pls dont apologise for talking about yourself as well..(((hugs))) I am here to listen at anytime ok? I may just do what U thought may be ok.. respond a very short message and then not respond to anything else he says further. ..and guess what?? this is the first test for me of NC so I would say that I am not too good either, since I am wavering with the decision.
Waiting for other friends here to tell me their opinions as well..maybe I wont respond to him yet..
Trish
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 11:02pm

Hiya Trish,

Any contact, be it text, phone call, email, voice mail, IM, specially trained carrier dolphins, etc., wedges the door back open.

Xmas? New Years? Easter? Abe Lincoln's b-day? 4th July? etc etc etc... C'mon, Trish, the time of year doesn't matter two whits either.

Let's face it Hallmark has a special day for just about everything and what with all the wonderful rich assortment of cultures & religions out there, every single day is bound to be special for some reason or other, right?

You can find all kinds of reasons for sending a message, how many can you find to NOT send that message?

Decide whether you want to re-open that door or keep it closed. It's entirely your choice, just don't blame it on manners or the time of year, ok?

Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 11:37pm

Trish,


I ditto everything Posie wrote and suggest you read it again and again and again........


NC is year round 365 days.....there is no off season, on season, or inbetween season. Take stock in how far you have come. Do you want to be hanging on these boards for another year? Crying in your beer next New Year's Eve?


<<<>>>> I hope you make the right decision for your own sanity and self respect


Id

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 11:54pm

<>>


You should think about taking your own advice, Sunny. How about a vote for NC in your MM's column?


Id

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 11:57pm

<<>>

Alas, I haven't made it one day... I'm getting to it Id, be patient with me...

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 12:11am

<<>>


Could this mean that you are actually thinking about it? <<>>> It certainly would be an "Atta-girl" New Year's Eve resolution. That was mine last year, and now I'm 210 lbs lighter in the guilt department. :)


Id

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 12:31am

Of course I'm thinking about it...
Who in an affair doesn't think about it?

I just don't know how I'm going to do it or when but inevitably it has to be done sometime.

I swear, its like smoking. You can quit. But if you're not really ready to quit you're gonna start back the minute he blows smoke up your *** ;)
I haven't gotten ready to quit yet and I want to make sure that when I do I don't have to worry about making contact because I'll be done.

Yes, my prior posts are true... I am happy. Happy with him. But I can be happier with a man 100% mine. I know that. Especially tonight I know that.

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 6:10am

Posie and ID thanks I will read what Posie wrote again and again...

This is real hard, and I think my test begins now, so far he had not tried to contact me, he had not said a thing, waiting for that interim period when he thinks i will cool down, waiting for things to blow over. I cannot believe that he wrote - "Hi, tried to call but no response, merry xmas and take care etc etc etc..." as if nothing had happened between us..

I wonder if one can ever be friends after an A. I very very much doubt it.. I keep thinking of how he treated me a few weeks back , that looms so large in front of me.

Sunshine, all the best with your decision ...what you say is correct
<>

Trish

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