he said he's done....what now?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
he said he's done....what now?
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 3:59pm

I am new here and hurting today.  We've gone back and forth with ending things and I think this time it's really over.  My story...both of us are married with children. I've seen him through  one divorce and a remarriage...A has lasted more than 13 years with some short and long breaks.  We've lived in the same city and have now been long distance for about 6 years.

Things came to a head when I traveled (with family) close to him and made plans to get together.  At the last minute, things didn't work out and he was angry.  Angry enough to say he was done.  We went back and forth in the last two weeks about it.  This morning I got a "one last chance" text so we talked and he again said it was over. All the blame is on me and he doesn't want to hear anything I have to say. 

I don't know where to go from here.  It's been so long that this is a part of my life. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 7:35pm

Hi blondehigh

Welcome to EAS

Sounds to me, and I could be misinterpreting, but it sounds to me like he just needed an excuse, any excuse, to get out of the affair because what happened doesn't seem to me to be a dealbreaker, but I guess his reasons for doing so don't really matter.  You're out of the affair.  I hope you are feeling some sense of relief.  I mean, you tried to end numerous times, but it never stuck...so you must have reached points of 'enough' and wanted out.  Now, he made the decision for both of you.

Right now, it hurts...we understand.  Doesn't matter if the relationship was inappropriate or not...it is a loss and will have to be grieved as such.

My question is, however, should he come back a knockin' on your door tomorrow, will you go running back...or will you take this opportunity to give some thought as to why you entered into an affair so you don't become embroiled again.  


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 6:31am

Hi Blondehigh and Welcome!

Im sorry you are hurting. 13 years is a long time to let go off, but there are folk on here who have been in long term A's and have sucessfully ended. It hurts every little bit. Right now you just have to focus on keeping NC and sometimes that has to be hour by hour. Set yourself little goals to aim for. Make it to lunch time, then make it to tea time, then bedtime. And that really what it is all about in these crippling early days.... the essentials food, sleep, water.


Read in the HL, read others stories, and when you are tired reading, read some more. Post often, tell us how you are feeling. You will get lots of support and help with every little step you take. And it will get better it really will. You will read that till you are sick and tired of reading it but I promise it does. This board is a life saver, it literally has saved many lives, my own included. Just take it day by day, hour by hour. It really doesnt matter who ended what. Its done and now you can reclaim your life. Its difficult and will hurt like h3ll but you can do this. You just have to want to. Please do keep posting in.


Sunny (soon) Xxx



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 10:06am

Please don't message him.  We all want to go out with grace and dignity...here we can be a slobbering mess.

It's time to let this go.  You said so yourself...lots of cruel words and emotions for the last few months.  It's a sign that the affair has gone beyond its expiration date.

Please keep reading for resolve and strength.