HE SENT IM......

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
HE SENT IM......
7
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 8:04pm
well, for the first time since august 26, he checked up for me on aol and

we sent each other ims. first of all i was surprised but delighted that he

had checked for me. after he was a bit short with words not talking too

much. he sent me an im around 10 am and we logged off around 230 b/c i had to pick up the kids.

to make a long story short. it was wonderful. i asked him the questions i needed to ask him that i didnt on wednesday when i showed up at his house.

i asked him if he had feelings for me. he first said as friends and then he said, im getting married in november, i would be admitted to the hospital if my feelings were

different. what do you think he meant by that? i asked him if the situation between us was different( if i wasnt married and he did not have a fiance) would it be different b/w us and he said he didnt know b/c he was not a fortune teller.

i think he did have feelings for me but b/c of the sitiation we were

in, we could never be.

deep inside i wish i had him. but seeing him last wednesday and heaing that

friday helped me realize that it was over but i was at peace, b/c i knew i just could not happenb/w us.

he also told me he would check for me once a week thursday or friday untl he gets married. we started out as friends and he knows his friendship is very important to

me.

what do you guys think? did he have feelings for me. he also told me once he would not have done the things we did if he didnt have feelings for me.

i guess im still...........

upsidedown4him

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 8:20pm
I have the same problem with remaining "friends" with my OM because he is in our group of friends, but everyone is right the best thing is No Contact, When he checks on you he will tell you about him and his fiance and I think it would just make me feel worse and wish it was me who was with him instead of her, It is obvious he has feelings for, he probably enjoys the power he has over you, making you wonder, you deserve so much better, a man that only wants and desires you all the time! The answer is yes of course he had feelings for you, but he also had those feelings for the fiance at the same time...I hope I can keep up the NC, it is so hard...but good things dont come easliy.
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anonymous user
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 8:31pm
Hiya Upsidedown,

This is someone who is about to get married. He's made his choice pretty plain, he wants his soon to be wife in his life full-time. He's obviously delighted & selfish enough to accept the ego-stroking that you so willingly offer him by being available to him in IM-land.

The Let's Be Friends line is often used to placate someone & ensure they remain happy enough not to be upsetting any apple carts - especially when they don't want that someone screwing up fast approaching wedding plans... He feels relatively safe because you have a husband and will likely not wish to risk your marriage further by revealing his indescretions to his fiance' since it would reveal your own to your DH.

The bottom line here is that he has chosen to make a life with his soon to be wife and you are not part of that.

If pressed to give an answer, I'd wager high stakes that the feelings he may have had for you are those of a shag-buddy. My mother told me once that any man who pursues a married woman gives her the highest possible insult since it implies he thinks she's either a fool or whore. I sure wish I'd listened because I managed to effectively put myself in the foolish whore category since I myself was BOTH!

The door is closed on this relationship, Upsidedown. It's locked, padlocked & morticed shut. Will you stand around hammering on the door? Or will you look for the door that has now become open to you?

Wishing you strength & peace,

Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 8:43pm
Usd

Let me ask you a question, what type of man messes around with a married woman while proposing marriage to anther woman, what does this say about him in REAL WORLD TERMS, what type of a man is this.

Think long and hard do you really want to be upsidedown for this type of selfcentred USER.

Sorry to offend but the truth is the truth.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 8:55pm

What do I think, you ask?


I think that FRIENDS can have conversations in the presence of their spouses and fiancees....


Can you do that with this man? If not, block him on your buddy lists and MOVE ON. Otherwise you're going backwards into an escapist atmosphere full of secrets and lies.....


Aren't you though being a liar and a cheater? That's what I saw in the mirror during my affairs. I no longer see that person in my mirror since I chose to no longer participate in affairs.


Let it all go and move on....... the cravings will pass.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 10:31pm

Are you sure you're posting this on the right board?

Love
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 10:49pm
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love
Love
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 12:22am
To be very blunt, when men like your OM, my xMM or ANY OTHER "unavailable" man have "feelings" like this for us----------they are worthless!

For several years, people on this board and my closest friends told me to run as fast as I can from the MM that I "allowed" into my life, I never listened b/c I was convinced beyond all belief that "our" relationship was different from the others, that "our" friendship would stand the test of time because we were different and mostly, because MM was different.

HOG WASH!

Every man that crosses the fine line into infidelity is the same! And until they get their own house and life in proper order, they are useless to any woman and to themselves.

Please stop spending time wondering or even caring whether or not he had "feelings" for you b/c eventually, you will realize you have wasted a large part of your life!

Stop trying to be a friend to someone that obviously has made a choice to be with and to marry someone else.......you're worth a lot more!