He is so selfish and self centered!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
He is so selfish and self centered!!!!!
11
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 5:14pm

I need to get this crap off of my chest and need your straight forward approach here at EAS.


XMM and I are LC and I keep my interactions with him very basic. He knew from during our A that my 9yr old son has a bone disease. My son had surgery this week on that bone and XMM wanted to know how the surgery went and asked me to text him to let him know, which I felt was harmless since many people asked me to text them when the surgery was over. Well, as you veterans know, one text opened the door and we texted off and on during my sons stay at the hospital. At one point XMM got a little "put off" becasue I didnt text him right back. Sorry there Cowboy, I was speaking with the DR. Heaven forbid there was a lull between my texts but he could always wait hours. Should have seen the double standard writing on the wall earlier on.


Anyway my son got to come home today and XMM texted me to see what I was up to. I said not to much and asked how he was. He said his daughter is "really, really sick with mono, and might have to get admitted" and how he is so worried about her. Not once did he ask about my kid so I told him that I know how he feels, must suck for him and thats too bad, try watching your 9 yr old learn to use a walker and a wheel chair. Pretty much after that he texted back "I get the point, talk to you later."


What a self centered a$$hole. Im so angry that I cant see straight. The world completely stops when his daughter who he spoils and bubble wraps gets sick but my son who has yet to complain about being different than his friends is an afterthought.


So now I had to come here because I have already been passivly aggressive towards my H today becasue of this. Im stressed anyway over my sons health and now even more so becasue XMM got to me. I allowed it to happen, I gave him the control when I texted him like I did. I let him get closer than needed, I was so good at keeping him at arms length with also an "I could care less attitude" towards him. Then when Im down and he should some intrest, I fed right into it, only to be shown once more that my world isnt as important as his.


I also cant help but remember what I read here on EAS some time ago when I started to read and lurk to get the strength to end my A. I read that we mirror eachothers insecurities in an A. Im thinking that

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 5:49pm

GMLB,

(HHHHHUUUUGGGGSSSS) :)

I am so sorry for your sweet little son and for all he and you have had to go through. That alone is alot for you to carry. Make sure you are getting enough rest and that you are taking care of yourself!!

Don't beat yourself up too much about opening the door back up..... Just learn from it. Your exap obviously doesn't care about you, but it sounds like your H does. What you wrote about how your H would never do to you what you've done to him is true for me too. My H would never do what I've done to him.

You will get that independent woman back, she's not that far away :) Just keep going, keep trying, and you'll get it right.
Here for ya!!
Hazel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 5:59pm

((((GMLB)))) ...... Your son sounds amazing!!! Just like his momma, I bet. :) I wish him a speedy recovery.


Sounds to me like you gave XAP a pretty good stab when you pointed out all your son is going through. You are right: what an a-hole. You are mad because, yes, you thought he was being nice and concerned about you. And I'm sure he was, on some level. But likely he was more interested in how you were making HIM feel rather than how you were feeling, kwim?


You are understandably

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 6:32pm

(((GMLB)))


I am so sorry to hear about your precious son, but he sounds very brave and this is something that you need to be too. Be brave for him, and mostly for yourself, in that you can block and walk away from XAP for good. It's time to end any and all txt msgs and any other way you have been communicating. You were in a very vulnerable state when your son was in the hospital which is understandable, but now you know who this man is, and he not someone you should ever reach out to again.


<>


This sounds like something I may have written, or another vet that is on here. We talk about this a lot, or at least used to. Affairs are all about how we mirror the person we choose to stray with. This is why you read so much about how "I met my soul mate," blah, blah, blah, because you see in this person much of yourself. Again this stuff is all wrapped around suffering egos and character traits that are reflective. What they see in us, we also see in them, and this is why a connection is made so quickly. Sadly, it is not a healthy connection because something unhealthy in him was attracted to something unhealthy in you. < general you>. There wouldn't be affairs if people were secure within themselves and the relationships they have already formed in their lives, and going after an unavailable partner shows that our moral compasses are out of whack too.


You sound like you have a wonderful H who understands you, probably more than anyone else ever would, especially when it comes to both of you sharing the struggles and

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 9:12pm

Big (((HUGS))) to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 10:27pm

GMLB treat the experience as a blessing in disguise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 10:37pm
Big hugs to you GMLB. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I pray for a quick recovery and peace for your son and your family. It's heartbreaking what you're having to deal with. xoxoxox
Please let us know how you and your brave boy are doing tomorrow.
Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 8:00am

Dear GMLB,

My heart goes out to you and your family - I can't imagine how emotional this all is for you. You are more courageous and strong than you give yourself credit for. And what a pathetic man your xAP is being. Give me a break - mono?! I was triggered by his lack of care over what was happening in your life - oh how it reminded me of time in my A where I was like - 'huh, you are trying to tell me about that when I am going through xyz ...?!'. They are selfish selfish selfish men who will, one way or another, divert each and every conversation back towards themselves.

Stay strong,

Jodi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 8:59am

They are selfish selfish selfish men who will, one way or another, divert each and every conversation back towards themselves.


Yes, they are and so were we to allow ourselves to get involved with an unavailable man in the first place. Unfortunately, every negative thing we can say or think about MM we can also say and think about ourselves because we are playing in their dirty playpen right along with them hurting other ppl. Even those of us who were single were causing destruction on another human being and their M.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 9:09am

Pathetic is exactly right. That is

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 11:06am

GMLB


My heart goes out to you and your family. Interesting how during the times of our lives that we are tested, our true, real selves shine through very brightly.


What you wrote about your xAP does indeed show a shallow, selfish man. It's sad and pathetic. But what else could you expect from a man like that, ya know?


<<more support than "he will be just fine". But when it came to discussions about his work or other things going on, I chimed in with support and reassurance. So one sided and just shows how selfish he really is. His world stops for a spoiled daughter with mono but mine should have continued on, circling around him. While I am trying to help my son

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