He Still has the Nerve...
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| Thu, 04-22-2010 - 11:20pm |
Hello all,
I been posting cuz I left the board and felt weak. I been posting for everyone. As I am posting about fishing attempts I get one. I have let these roll off my back, they come far and few between as of late. He emails me from random accounts. I have blocked all I could. This one came from a new yahoo account, assumed it may be him...I did not open it, but the subject line was right there. It was enough to send me spinning. I am quite agitated. I am quite upset. I have not played his fishing game. I have been strong as of late. I even went out on a date. I did a background check on this guy....he is not married. Its a shame that I do background checks now after being lied to....anyway. Then the same statement comes to me via txt from some strange numbers, sent via a computer. The same statement.
For those of you who do not know my story, brief recap, I am NC since Dec 4th. Very ugly ending. A Dday with his wife. I was P. I decided to terminate and put him out the next day. He ran and never heard from him since. Not even a phone call to see if I was okay. Best thing he ever did for me.
Until the last 2 months or so, I get fishing attempts. They come via texts...google gives you a free phone number with vm and everything. I suspect that is how he contacts me. They also come via email. You feel like you are under attack. They were not getting to me nearly as much as they used to...but this one pushed me over the edge.
He says "I wish we had the B so that you would be in my life one way or another"
He is sick and I wanted so badly to respond. I can not tell you how badly. I have never wanted to break contact so badly. If I were in his presence I know I would have punched him dead in his face. How dare him? How dare him go there? I am so angry. He needs to leave me the hell alone. He knows just what buttons to push. He was always good at that. This fish attempt has me shaking and instead of responding to him, instead of calling his wife, instead of doing stupid things I would surely regret, I am here.
I am here because I know you all care more about me than the sick sociopath who is still in need of an ego stroke and can not handle rejection.
He wants to be friends...LOL...all the pain and he wants to be friends. I wish I could send him posts from this board, about friends and the like, I wish I could get him to see how sick he really is. But that is futile and simply aint my problem. I just need to be left alone.
I really let him get a rise out of me, but he hit me where he knew it would hurt....can not let him know it tho. Breathing deeply as I type this.
I have made a decision tho, changing phone number in am, changed email already. I am done. I can not be thrown off further.
I hate the fact I am like a sitting duck. I hate that he still can stir all these things in me. I hate that when I think I close to being out of the woods, I realize he still holds some cards. His hand is stronger than mine and he remains fervent to stay in the game. I am not playing anymore.
I feel as raw as I did months ago. YET, I am so much more determined and stronger now. He is not going to win, he is not going to hold me back. He will likely die a lying sad cheat. He is stuck and I am freeing myself. This will get me thru tonight and I will sleep without taking medication.
I have not had a tough day in weeks...UGH!! It would feel good to tell him off. For only about 5 mins tho. And the attention he gets, he will be so happy, no matter what I say, any attention is good attention as far as his sadistic self is concerned. I need to read more old posts...those old ones. Anyone wanna copy and paste and knock me over the head? Remind me of the hell he put me thru....some of which I am responsible for too. But this is all him now. I have stayed the course....that is all I can do.
Right now I need the board....I closed the email account that had all my sayings and inspirational things that kept me going. I had a great collection. Bummed, I did it w/o thinking. I was so scared to get another email before I even thought about that folder that got me thru.
anyone that has some of those good things...please pass em along to me. email them, post em in this thread..please i need them. i will appreciate whatever is sent.
and of course, I need you ladies who have been here for me from the ugly beginning. Thank you in advance for your support and encouragement and whatever you can send me.
Starting a new folder might just what I need. kinda like a reset...need to revisit these things...
thanks for listening...
Luvin

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Luvin,
Is it not odd how we're both at the same place and it seems like we've dated the same xMM? Both suckered into an affair based on lies.
Can you not delete your e-mail and start a new one?
It amazes me that its easy getting into affairs and much more difficult getting out of them. It seems xMM are more likely to keep contacting the OW, when the OW has moved on and wants nothing to do with these men.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Hang in there. you're doing a GREAT job by not responding to him. He's trying to have his ego stroked.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No New Hurts
Silence is Golden; Silence is Dignified; Silence speaks volumes.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N
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