He wants to forget me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
He wants to forget me
7
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 5:57pm

no return on my call..............its been 4 hours.

the stare meant nothing. He was probably looking at me with irritation and I was blind to it..........I really did not see anything but both of use just looking at eachother for a long time......

I only wanted to call to ask him if he would feel better if I was not at my house on Sundays.........I said if he felt it was not possible for use to be friends at this point then I understand. To please call me so that I can let go and try to be scarce when I know he is coming over.

He stopped caring.
He only feels sorry for himself and the war he has going with his W. He would file if he really wanted too....but he did not really want me - at least not my heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 6:06pm

I know how you feel. It's simply gut wrenching to think that all that emotion and caring you shared is simply gone, vanished and he acts like he doesn't even care.

I am so sorry for the hurt and pain you are going through. I have the luxury of more time, and the distance--I don't see my xMM at home or work.

It's time to start distancing yourself from him. Let him go. He's making his choice and you have to start protecting yourself. Trust me, you can drive yourself crazy thinking about him, wondering how he's doing, worrying about his feelings. Ask any of the posters on this board, and they will attest to the crazy factor.

The only things you need to worry about now are you, and your situation with your H. If that means no more football Sundays, then find a way to tell your H. to start having those at someone elses house, or the local bar and grill.

You and your emotional healing are your main concern.

Good luck, and keep posting. Sharing your feelings and experiences will help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 7:30pm

HI AK:

I am so sorry for your pain too. It is just the worst, empty, panicky, lonely feeling...
I'm further along than you are. My XMM and my relationship basically "bled to death" over a 4 month period, and then he decided NC. Over, done. We had been together over 3 years. The feeling that it really is done, is harder than I would have imagined. This board has helped some. But it has, on occasion, made me feel worse.

Take it from me: there really does come a day (not anytime soon, I'm afraid), where you really feel yourself disengaging from the thoughts, dwelling, longing, loneliness. For me, it just sort of happened. But I absolutely know what it feels like to think that he is not really sweating it. You have to stop wondering and caring about that. I'm almost there. Not fully.

Hang in there, and focus on the kind, caring words here. That's one of the things that worked for me.

Pam

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 12:04pm

Do they really stop caring when they do NC?
Are men really that different that they are able to take someone who they felt so strongly for and happy with - and when the stress of their other lives and guilt become more prevailent they are able to "get over you" just like that?

Do they grief? Do they cry and miss us?
That look I got on Sunday - It tears me up.........was it a look of sorrow and regret for having an A with me and now everything is screwed up?

By not responding to my plea for contacting me regarding the "friends circle" situation: How am I going to get through the holidays???? the dinner table with all 12 of us? my H's birthday bash? Christmas? The New Years eve party?

I really did want us to be able to be friends of sorts again. And he regrets me. That look was not missing me.................

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 12:31pm

****How am I going to get through the holidays???? the dinner table with all 12 of us? my H's birthday bash? Christmas? The New Years eve party?*****

You hold your head up high and JUST DO IT. Possibly XMM will back out of some of these events (I assuming he's invited?)

NC means just that, NO CONTACT. If he were to call you than he is breaking NC. Isn't that what you wanted? Seems to me that you are the one doing all of the backsliding here....Maybe XMM is just trying to show you some respect for your wishes. Do you really think it's easy for him to hold up his end of the bargain? Maybe the truth is he does care, enough to do the right thing and that's LETTING GO so you can move on with your life.

When you love someone UNCONDITIOLLY, you DO NOT set CONDITIONS.

Sunny

Sunny
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 12:47pm

I never asked for NC and he also said that it was not what he wanted.

Why all of a sudden did he stop.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 1:37pm

****Why all of a sudden did he stop.*****

Possibly in time you will get your answer. You need to respect his silence for now. Get busy with your holiday plans and try not to think about it. I know that's easier said than done, but sometimes we just have NO control over things. This is one of those times, sweetie.

Sunny

Sunny
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 1:49pm
I have to agree with sunny. I think you need to focus on healing, That is if you want to heal. You mentioned last week that you knew you two couldn't be together so you are ready to move on with your friendly divorce. What happend to your looking toward the future? You need to stop dwelling on it so much you will never start the healing process. If he did give you that look then take it for what its for and let him have his time or let him start healing. If you continue to call him then he will resent you and really want to end this relationship. It is hard and I am living proof of surviving a long term affair but it can happen. Life goes on really.