He wants to know if i am ok.. !

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
He wants to know if i am ok.. !
20
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 9:11pm

My story is very similar to most of the stories here .. I am married with 3 kids. XAP too ... the first few months were great .. then the pain and hurts started and outweighed all happiness ...so I decided to end it. I am sure he is also relieved that I ended it.
He is a very good person .. It's only the nature of the relation- as you all here say- that is really toxic ...
It has been only few days since NC ... and I got from him many mails/sms asking me to tell him how am I doing?! he knows I am very weak and I loved him a lot and NC'ed before then begged him to return .. so he was expecting the same but this time I am so determined because I was so much hurt! so .. what do you think? shall I answer him?? I hate to ignore anybody especially he is almost begging me to answer him with few words to tell him how am i doing? I don't feel like responding because I feel there is nothing more to be said!!
but we are in the same community so I know for sure than sooner or later we will meet even if not regularly..
what shall i do?? answer him or just ignore?! this really is not helping!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 9:25pm

IGNORE him. He's getting desperate because in the past you were the one always to break NC and beg him, now he's worried you're actually maybe serious about ending it.

XOXO

Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 10:32pm
I agree with Gone. Let it go. My XAP has done the same thing and it ended up getting me back into the A because I responded. You're probably feeling that it's rude not to respond when he is showing you how much he cares. Maybe so, but that's just tough. Ignore it, and proceed with your healing. If you respond, it will only prolong your pain.
CSN
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 11:36pm

amylo,

He doesn't really care to know how you are, but just wants to boost his ego for the moment! The fish got away and he's still out to sea trying to reel it in.

If you answer him, then what? He writes back and then what? The addiction of "then what" will continue and then what really will happen is you will hurt more than the pain that you felt that prompted you to go NC. Stop the insanity and the addiction and don't make contact or it will start all over like pulling stitches out of a wound before it has a chance to finish healing.

If one of your kids had a cast on his arm, yet wanted to go out and play ball, would you let him take it off for the instant satisfaction that he would get, and cause the arm to possibly break again and start mending all over? Of course not, so treat yourself well and don't bite.

Mish

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 3:51am
Thank you all for your replies...this is exactly how I was thinking; there is no point of replying...he just sent me again asking to reply just with an "empty" message- only to make sure I am ok ..again begging ... though I begged for soooo long before especially on weekends without any sign from his part, I hate to do that to him... Dunno!!!! so confused!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 6:48am
He's not a fisherman (I assume) and you're not a fish. I'd tell him you're hurting but determined, wish him well (if you do) and tell him you need a lot of space and healing silence for you. Men and women aren't enemies, are they?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 8:21am

Do not respond. He will get over it, as will you. He doesn't need to know if you are ok. Do you know you are OK? That's all that matters.

Jane

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 8:33am

I agree with everyone....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 8:50am

Welcome Amylo. By not responding to him your silence says you are more than okay; that you are done with this vicious cycle and he needs to leave you alone now.


NC=No New Hurts.


You can do this,


((Hugs))

~ Iddy~

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 10:52am

Jam,
You suggest that Amy respond to the text? Why?
I think the only way she can truly tell him she's 'ok' is for her to BE 'ok', and that means that she's healing and moving on. BEing that means living that. Living that in truth and fully means NC -- this is my opinion and yet I offer it with the experience of my Ending to defend my position: I am 4 months post A with an xAP whom I truly and deeply cared for. We were not and are not enemies, with no animosity on either side, and I feel that one does not put the ones one cares for in harms way.

Please explain why YOU think breaking NC is the right course for this woman at this time. It's ok to go counter to the philosophy of this board, I think, but you'd better be able to back it up with something substantial.

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 12:47pm
I suppose for what its worth, I think he's suffering and repetition of why NC and that NC is important will help. I know telling him NC again is in itself contact (tangled isn't it?) but - its over, it has to be over, its over it has to be over will probably help him. OK we dont care about him, I see that. It may even help OP to reiterate. Just my opinion - I'm no expert.

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