He wants to know if i am ok.. !
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| Thu, 02-25-2010 - 9:11pm |
My story is very similar to most of the stories here .. I am married with 3 kids. XAP too ... the first few months were great .. then the pain and hurts started and outweighed all happiness ...so I decided to end it. I am sure he is also relieved that I ended it.
He is a very good person .. It's only the nature of the relation- as you all here say- that is really toxic ...
It has been only few days since NC ... and I got from him many mails/sms asking me to tell him how am I doing?! he knows I am very weak and I loved him a lot and NC'ed before then begged him to return .. so he was expecting the same but this time I am so determined because I was so much hurt! so .. what do you think? shall I answer him?? I hate to ignore anybody especially he is almost begging me to answer him with few words to tell him how am i doing? I don't feel like responding because I feel there is nothing more to be said!!
but we are in the same community so I know for sure than sooner or later we will meet even if not regularly..
what shall i do?? answer him or just ignore?! this really is not helping!!

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IGNORE him. He's getting desperate because in the past you were the one always to break NC and beg him, now he's worried you're actually maybe serious about ending it.
XOXO
Gone
CSN
amylo,
He doesn't really care to know how you are, but just wants to boost his ego for the moment! The fish got away and he's still out to sea trying to reel it in.
If you answer him, then what? He writes back and then what? The addiction of "then what" will continue and then what really will happen is you will hurt more than the pain that you felt that prompted you to go NC. Stop the insanity and the addiction and don't make contact or it will start all over like pulling stitches out of a wound before it has a chance to finish healing.
If one of your kids had a cast on his arm, yet wanted to go out and play ball, would you let him take it off for the instant satisfaction that he would get, and cause the arm to possibly break again and start mending all over? Of course not, so treat yourself well and don't bite.
Mish
Do not respond. He will get over it, as will you. He doesn't need to know if you are ok. Do you know you are OK? That's all that matters.
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
I agree with everyone....
Welcome Amylo. By not responding to him your silence says you are more than okay; that you are done with this vicious cycle and he needs to leave you alone now.
NC=No New Hurts.
You can do this,
((Hugs))
~ Iddy~
~Iddy~
Jam,
You suggest that Amy respond to the text? Why?
I think the only way she can truly tell him she's 'ok' is for her to BE 'ok', and that means that she's healing and moving on. BEing that means living that. Living that in truth and fully means NC -- this is my opinion and yet I offer it with the experience of my Ending to defend my position: I am 4 months post A with an xAP whom I truly and deeply cared for. We were not and are not enemies, with no animosity on either side, and I feel that one does not put the ones one cares for in harms way.
Please explain why YOU think breaking NC is the right course for this woman at this time. It's ok to go counter to the philosophy of this board, I think, but you'd better be able to back it up with something substantial.
Dee
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