He wants me to contact him.... I think NOT!!
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|Wed, 11-28-2012 - 4:18am|
Yep, after 18 months my xap passed along a message through a friend (whom he wasn't friends with when we were together) to get me to ring him as he has something important to tell me. I was dumbfounded, shocked and then as the day went on I alternated between anger, sadness and unbelievably, feelings of missing him (what the ???).
My response to my friend was 'Please tell (name) I do not wish to talk to him. If it is that important he can ring my husband'. I just don't understand why after all this time he suddenly has something to tell me. I can't think of one thing that is important enough that he would need to talk to me after all this time has passed. I honestly never saw this coming and thought I would be one of the few who would never hear from their xap again and you know what?? it feels crappy!!
I was indifferent (well at least I thought I was) and I barely think about him these days and now here he is, bang back in the center of my thoughts again. I don't hate him and I hate that I don't even dislike him.
On a positive note, I love that I am in a strong enough place that I know I will bounce back quickly. That I know that even if he was to contact me a hundred times, I will not talk to him and if it really comes down to it, I will leave it in my husband's hands to sort out.
Sigh, it is coming up to trigger season for me and perhaps for him too and I have run through every scenario of important news that I can think of and not one of them is enough to entice me to jump back on the merry go round of emotions. I love who I am now. I have an amazing network of beautiful friends, I have a wonderful family, an incredible husband, a job that has challenged me and helped me grow and I am finally working towards a degree in Social Science (Counselling).
I am exactly where I am supposed to be and somehow I will shake these feelings that have been triggered by xap's message and keep moving forward. So there is my vent/ reminder to myself of what I do have/ news etc.
A big hi to all my EAS friends. I have missed you all but gee it is hard getting back on to this board. It took me so many go's to sign in.