Healing-in-2010, lurking or MIA???
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Healing-in-2010, lurking or MIA???
| Fri, 05-07-2010 - 6:35am |
Healing,
You and I started NC around the same time and I connected with many of your posts and situation. I havent seen you on here for a week and just wanted to make sure that all is well on youe end. Email me through my profile if you want to chat off EAS.

GMLB,
I am here!! Lurking in the shadows :) Learning, becoming wise, healing... day 66 NC today!!! I am doing fairly well, some days are harder than others but they are "less" often. I really haven't posted much, as I am not quite sure yet what I have to offer that is any more profound than what you ladies have so eloquently written. I am trying very hard to focus on my relationship with H and find it very difficult at times to make it better when I am not quite "better" myself! It is so hard to mend a relationship that has been effected by this for so many years and not having my amazing H know why his wife changed into who she is today. I am filled with such guilt that I am trying to deal with. Hard to make up for lost years when he doesn't know I am trying to make up for them.
On a positivve note, I have spilled my guilty soul to my best friend in the entire world... (can you imagine that SHE didn't even know...) We have been best friends since we were 10 (30 years ago) and still are closer than ever. I haven't "spoken" to her about it as I am not ready, but wrote a 3 page letter. It was such a HUGE weight off of me. I have also had my rose colored glasses spit shined and wiped clean... My H is what I REALLY want in a man and always has been. I knew that all along, but tried so hard "in my mind" to make Xap be that same type of man...and he never was, and never will be. I am so thankful for him dropping me like a hot potato...this is his "gift" to me and I KNOW that. It will take some time to recover and I will, but the road needs a 4 wheel drive to get through. I will keep in touch and feel free to email. I know you have had some good and bad days as well. Hope this is a good one. Thanks for thinking of me...It means the world!!! Have a great weekend.
Healing,
Glad to know you are still "Healing". Its a struggle for sure but its getting better day by day.
I have been feeling a little better about my home life, like I am taking some time to stop and smell the roses. During my entire A, I was always so preoccupied with XMM that I was hardly even a mother, let alone a wife. I try not to dwell on the guilt, but those pangs of it hit swift and hard at time. Had one today and spilled a guilty feeling of what I did for XMM on another thread.
Please feel free to email me and keep me posted. I enjoy a cyber buddy who can relate to the mess I got myself in.
GMLB