Healing and finding U'r comfortzone ??!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Healing and finding U'r comfortzone ??!
1
Sat, 02-14-2004 - 11:54pm
Hello everyone,wanted to stop by to give a brief update.(S mom,was with MM for 2 1/2 years, work together,ended affair Nov last year)

I just wanted to share a thought with everyone, from what I have read here , there will be no miracle "cure" of what happened, or the feelings you still have for another person.

But it will be your choice of what you will define your comfortzone. MM and I made a conscious choice to work hard on remaining friends, we set each other boundaries and so far it is working good. We see each other only at work, surrounded by others, but we stay in touch through the phone and a bit per email. We check on each other just as friends wouldfrom time to time....when we see each other we can see in our eyes that we still have something special for each other deep in our hearts, but we both are working hard to redirect our feelings for each other in a different direction. It is comforting to know for him on his bad days at home that I adore him, how I appreciate him and think the world of him....so when at those days he may think his wife is just not the one for him, he will get through these days with her....because without being still with him, I am still providing a comfortzone for him, visa versa he does the same for me...to know we deeply care for each other are yeah if what if would not be we woudl be together. But what if is reality, and we both are working hard on doing the right thing. So please keep your fingers crossed for me and for him, that we both will stay strong and continue on this path of pure friendship....I understand why so many out there are saying NC, but like I said we both talked about it and agreed with NC we would be miserable, it is not the person, but the circumstance that makes us stop being together....and it is hard and I am sad at times....but it is worth on working that hard. And i am smiling again, and am happy within. I take ownership for what happened, no one is to blame but myself...yeah he may have cheated and some out there may resent their affairs , call the guys now liars etc..but he never did, he never said he would leave w., I never felt he lead me on, we simply got caught up in our feelings for each other and created our own little secret world, reality caught up and we are doing the best to make things right now...I went through hell in my marriage, but I forgave my ex(no I did not forget !)..and we also remained strenght. Life is full of choices, and we need to take ownership of those choices, without putting blame on anyone else, not even so much on ourselves.

Wishing all of you out there the strenght to find your comfortzone.....Hugs, B
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 9:20pm
I'm working on my comfortzone with xmm and it seems to be in the same direction as yours. I really feel that we can be friends, but unfortunately not as good of friends as we once were. We have to be a little careful what we talk about and for a while have really tried to keep it work related because there still seem to be some raw emotions that pop up for both of us. But I do feel that we are getting past that. At least I feel like I am anyway.

For those that are just starting on the ending journey remember that you really have to give it some time and things will start to fall into place.

I'm glad to hear that all is going well for you.