The healing starts here

Avatar for kymemum
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2005
The healing starts here
4
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 10:44am

Here goes the story

I met my MM when I was married myself over four years ago, I left my H for him, with the intentions that he would do the same. Years passed, lonely nights birthdays missed, flowers and phone calls for Valentines day. As he lives in another province.

He met my Mother, my sister, my brothers, my kids. But his kids I never met, his family was never allowed into our world.

He promised my mother last year that he was a man of his word and will leave his wife, he promised my sister, he promised Me, time after time.

In December of last year I told him I wanted to end this, I had enough of always waiting for his phone calls, his visits, his emails. We spoke to each other EVERYDAY, two to three times a day, and emailed constantly each other from work up to 40 emails per day,it was a love affair of great perportions. He would not let me go, he called and called begged and promised to MAKE THINGS RIGHT!

I fell for it, did not believe that he would lie to me.

Well my life took a nose dive on March 02,2005 , My eldest son of 21 years old and his girlfriend all of 18 died instantly in a car accident. My life was torn apart.

He told me he should not come down, was not his place to be. Funny in the days and weeks that followed he called up to 8 times in each day, I begged him to leave me alone it was my grief, my pain, but no he persisted.I wanted out, not only had I just lost my son and had no one to hold me when I needed to be held, nor did I have a moral support from him. The week that followed he took his son snowmobiling for that week, he left me ALONE!!!

Then his W plans a trip for their family to MEXICO, son was not even buried one week, I had, had it, I wanted out so bad, was a basket case from the loss of my son now this!

Nope he persisted promi8sed me he was not going on this trip that he was leaving his wife, right up to three days before he left!

Yup he could not bring himself to leave his wife, he was distroying his childrens lives, cause one was mad at him for telling his W that they should go their serperate ways.

On wednesdaty of last week, I told him that I can not listen any more to his emails, stating that he did not know which way to turm , me or his kids, God he was putting me against his KIDS. I called him and called him each and every name I could think of, I wanted out for so long, and when I was hurting the most he pulled me back in with false promises and lies.

Well when my sister found out that after 4 and one half years and when I was hurting the most, he did this!! She called him at his office and my sister told him she was telling his wife, Why should he destroy me and my family for him and he to walk away guilt free, no pain.

Well the sister called the home and the line was busy busy, finally someone answered teh home phone, guess who, that;s right HIM he raced home to save his sorry ass.

To protect himself he called the police saying threats were made,so my sister called me, and then the police to get the whole story. I had no idea what was going on, I had just felt after telling him off FINALLY, a great relief.

Police said that the wife KNOWS everything now, and he would have done the same thing if I was his sister.

Yup the wife and my MM left for mexico as a happy family HA! with the kids on Yesterday!

A fool me maybe, was in love but the wrong person I deserve more and I will get it

I found the strenght in losing my son, that life is to short and to waste it away as a Mistress, no way, no more secrets no more lies, no more pain, no more tears wept for a stupid pathetic wuss of a man

When my daugher looked at me and said I knew he was married, Mom you are to strong of a woman to love a wuss!! And you know what I am

For all women and men out there not willing to PUT THINGS RIGHT! The price that you pay is unberable to live with.

I found what I should have found years ago, my freedom, and to mourn my son in peace and perfect freedom

Thanks for listening and I hope all of you that have found the balls to leave your affair, you are a better person for doing it, and when those dark days creep into your lives, remeber that even you love, remeber the COST!

Kyme
A mom in deep pain
but free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 12:19pm
I am so sorry about the loss of your son. I can relate to your story. My MM chased me for 5 years before I broke down and got involved. I was having some marital problems and got weak, then after that my life went down hill. My husband found out, begged me and begged me to save the marriage, he was willing to forgive me, but no all the promises from MM (who was seperated at the time) made me think I would be happier with him then husband. Well 5 years later, yep I have been in it 5 years, he is still with his wife, they got back together as soon as I trashed any chance of getting back together with my husband, but here I am alone, like you, alone for holidays, birthdays nights weekends. ALWAYS ALONE! I almost died myself, I was in intensive care for 6 days, he never came to see me never called. And I thought I would never forgive him, but I did. I let him talk his way out of that. But just recently my son had a terrible accident that made me rethink my life and I made the decision to improve the life for me and the kids, so I moved to a bigger better HOUSE, I have always lived in apartments, I have made new friends and I am trying to get my life together. I raise two kids work 40 hours a week am involved in the kids sports and now I am looking for another part time job. WHY? Because my MM is too busy providing for HIS family, my bills and my needs are not his priority, and when I realized that I realized he benefits my life nothing, he doe snot take me out, we do not go to a movie, he comes over for maybe a little TV then sex then goes home to his wife. SO I ended it AGAIN. And he was fine with it, why wouldnt he be, he lost nothing. He still has his wife and kids, he still has his family. All he cares about is his paperwork I have. I help him with all of his problems, the taxes on the business his wife runs because she is too stupid, his taxes, anything so I have all his paperwork. After 10 years of being in eachothers life 5 years of it an A, all he wants is his paperwork. As he put it, once he gets his paperwork fien we never need to see eachother again, Life goes on as usual for him. Why does it hurt so bad! How do they do this and just go on like nothing. I listen to him scream at me asing for it, his coldness, how could I have loved this man for so long?? I hate him, I just wnat to burn his paper work. Sorry, just rambling! I wish you the best of luck to get over this and heal the pain from the loss of your son. But you are so right, when you think about what you have lost in regards to your son, losing a jerk like MM seems meaningless.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 12:30pm

hi fooled,

how r u doing?

kymemum,

sorry for your loss and welcome to the board

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 1:19pm
((((Kyme)))) I am so sorry for the loss of your son. And for all you went through with this exMM. You are better off without that MM..you do deserve more..and to live your life that way is important. Hugs to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 1:53pm

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kyme}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I am glad you found this place.
You'll learn from others and will also find satisfaction in the fact that others will learn from you...even if you do not know it.

The rollercoaster of grief for your son will be hard enough. I am sorry it took this tragedy to realize what a heartless man you loved. I hate when bad things happen to good people. We are here for you.
Lizzie