healthy reminder

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
healthy reminder
1
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 2:07pm

My H is in Africa for the next 3 weeks. I am on day two of waiting by the phone and computer for communication. Sure, it's waiting to hear from him because I need shiz like phone numbers and such - and not in the least like it was with xAP where I was waiting for all that bs he'd give (or not give, as it were) -- but this waiting reminds me of the whole mess from 7 months ago and I'm uncomfortable about it. This morning, I taped a little photo of me with H on my monitor. It's keeping me focused on my future and not my past. I really wish I was waiting to hear romantic waxing from H - we're just not there yet. Haven't given up hope, not yet. Struggling. oy.

Dee

PS - single parenting is for the birds! God bless all you mommies out there who have to do it for reals. xoxoxo and love to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
In reply to: deeulta
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 2:18pm

hey Dee,

Shiz ... I hate that 'waiting' trigger. I had to wait for a teleconference with my xAP not too long ago - and just that feeling of waiting for his 'okay I am ready' now was enough to make me feel sick inside. It triggered all those old feelings of waiting, and those awful feelings of emptiness when the messages weren't what i needed/wanted them to be. I am so relieved to done with all of that. What a stupid waste of time and emotion.

Yup - parenting on one's own ain't the easiest that's for sure. I am so grateful that my H is an excellent co-parenter since we've lived apart - but I sure do miss the ease of it all when we were together. I have no idea how women (and some men) do it completely on their own. True courage and strength to be sure.

Hang in there,

I'm sending you love (-:

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010
LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou