Heard from xMM
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Heard from xMM
| Wed, 07-07-2004 - 3:43pm |
Got a brief note from him today, about his upcoming move; he closed it this way: "I'm sorry that I'm still not at a point where I feel able to stay in touch, but I do hope you're well and happy. Take good care of yourself, D."
Don't know what I feel right now. Surprised to hear from him at all, on the one hand. Glad for his honesty. Kind of sad, too. Sigh.
Just thought I'd share.

I know how you are feeling. Its hard to decide if you feel happy or sad to get some word from him. I know that feeling.....!! Just wanted to send thoughts your way!! Hang in there girl!!!
Karry
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige
I swear I am not going to overanalyze this, but I am choosing to read the whole thing about still not being at a point to stay in touch as: "I still am struggling over losing you, and if I try to stay in touch with you I'll never get over you," whaddya think? ;-)
Long time since I have posted here. Have not been here in a bit. I just wanted to see how you were doing? I felt my heart being tugged at w/ your post. I dont know how you do it girl. Reading that made me want to cry. The romantic fool that I am. Thats how I got into this crazy situation in the first place. You feeling ok? It sounds aside from a couple of little emotional breakdowns, you sound like you have been handling things pretty well. Wish I could say the same....
My update:
Have been speaking w/ my XMM often. Too often. We ending up meeting yesterday. He has told me that it is over and he doesnt love me anymore. OUCH right? What ever happened to his "love doesnt go away"..."soul mate"....words he had said to me once....
anyway, i cant deal w/ going through the whole story. too much for me to emotionally handle. trying to be strong. came on here for a bit of support from reading the posts. alot of the posts seem very angry these days. :)...and you know i always love to see your updates. dont want to make this board a habit either right now. i feel it just brings me more down and keeps me rehashing my situation. i do like to check in every so often.
sending big hugs and kisses your way. hope your happy.
xo!
Now, what are we going to do about you? ;-) Is he saying that it is over, but acting otherwise? I really hope you can find the strength to let go someday soon; I do believe that is the only way for any of us here to find peace!
xo,
K.
Glad to hear your doing well. I on the other hand have been up and down. Holding on to something that wont be, shouldnt be and is not right. Why was I holding on? Towards the end he wasnt even being that nice. But I kept on talking to him and holding on to something, anything just to keep that feeling alive.
To answer your question, his words and actions are all over the place. One minute he says one thing the next minute he is saying something else. In one breath he says he no longer loves me and that it is now just physical and the next he is saying its hard to say that its just physical when there are feelings there. So I of course hold on to the words that I like to hear, and create a fantasy in my head that he really does love me but needs to say that he doesnt so I can walk away from this. Ok, Fantasy girl, not so right?
So weird though, I still dont know if I love him, ever loved him or just loved the thrill of it and the habitual emails and phone calls that made my work days seem much more fun. I have to tell you though, after making love the other day(having sex) whatever we should call it, and him telling me "its over, i dont love you anymore", i keep thinking to myself "dipss, have you no self pride or dignity at all??? Listen to what this jerk is telling you!!" First of all, not to toot my own horn, but hek i will right now, I am so much better than him. He would be lucky to get a girl like me. He has even once said that to me. That he was flattered that someone who looked like me would like him. I didnt fall for him for his looks but for his personality. I feel rejected. Yuck!
So what do we do about me??? Who knows. I have been going on line doing searches on "getting over a break up"...some good things out there that have me realizing that I need to go through this pain and then move on. I was avoiding it. Hoping that I could just hold onto this fantasy and continue w/ my life. At the end, I was staying emotionally attached and he was working on ways to move past it. The thing that pisses me off is that when we were going through this thing of "just being friends", I was working hard on respecting that and then he started sending emails that were more than platonic. I fell for it like the drop of a hat. For him it was just physical and I remained emotionally attached.
I have promised myself that I will not call him. I think of his final words to me and that is what I keep repeating over and over and over in my head, hoping that this will give me strength to save some of my dignity. Towards the end I was losing any self respect and looking like a fatal attraction obsessive chick.
Its that damn obsessive thing that makes us gals crazy!!!!
Hope your enjoying your summer. How is Mo doing? Havent seen her around here these days. Good sign I hope.
My best to you.
xo!
Hang onto your dignity, girl! Don't go back!!!