heartbroken, back from NL ( long sorry)

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
heartbroken, back from NL ( long sorry)
9
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 5:28am
hello all, i just got back last night. OM and i had have a rough few weeks up to the day before i got there. I was staying at his dad's place, and his dad and i had a very open talk. DH was there too, as was DH's mom, basically I learned more about OM than i ever dreamed. Got many answers he was unable to provide. His father said that if OM had to do it again, he is sure he'd never pick his W. She is just a dumb woman ( he meant it with all sencerity i am sure, OM's dad is an honest, wise man that knows nothing of OM and me.. I thought.. )

Just that OM is the boss at work, but a wimp at home. That he is only there for his girls, 6 and 2 years old, and that OM needs a woman with energy, life, love and that is something his W never had. That for the past 11 years if OM is just at his dad's house she phones 3-4 times just to see that he's there. She is terribly jealous, and they know that OM has never given her a reason. That the day before we met again in Aug, OM called and cancelled the plans to photograph the wedding. His dad told him he had to, he agreed to, and after that day, (that magical day, we met and talked and fell... ) he called his dad and said it was the best day of his life. His father leaned over and winked at me, 'i think you had something to do with that' he said.

I tried calling him, no answer, just felt so low. I learned that OM is really sensitive and scared. Of everything. He had his own business, that went under and lost all his self confidence. That explains so much.

The next day i was still a mess, i phoned his house (which i never to) W answered and yelled at me. Said she read my letters and text messages, said you both are married what are you thinking.. he wants nothing to do with you' then she hung up.

I got through to him later that day, and said, i don't know whats going on. I have 3 days here and thats it. Does he still have monday off, he said he did so we agreed to meet at 9 on monday.

9 came and went. I waited till 9:30 before calling and getting his machine. Just left a message. I just said that i know that he is scared. We all get scared. I don't know what she knows, i don't know anything cause he hasn't told me, and that i am sorry this couldnt work.

later that day i heard from a friend that OM texted her ( my phone was not working in NL so he had her nr.) he said that he was on his way, but couldn't make it at 9, and if i could call him.

I did call, out of instict and he didn't answer. I went to my H, and his friend, and we enjoyed the day. Heartbroken and sick. When i got home I had a text message come in,

'thanks for your voice mail, i WILL write you back, but there is a lot of crap that has happened.You will hear it all from me, okay?!greetings and i am sorry'

I just don't think i can do this to myself.I know that i am sensitive, and that i fell very hard, and that there's nothing that can be done now. I am honest with myself, this can't happen anymore. I don't even know if i want to hear his reasons.

All i know is I was there. And i felt so sorry for myself. I took a long look in the mirror and saw this beautiful woman. 26, strong, who's never been stood up before... there heartbroken over this guy. I need to get my head back on straight. Its almost spring here in Finland and its beautiful. I would never want to leave here, I just wanted him. He wanted me. It just didnt work. Time to pick up the pieces, I'm going back there in May with my family... i won't see OM; but just being there... thanks for listening you all..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 9:32am
I feel for you honey. Sorry to see everyone else here is too wrapped up in their own chaos to give you a hug. I know you need it now, you must be hurting. Take comfort in knowing that he is hurting too. That he wouldn't have sent the text message if he wasn't thinking about you and feeling rotten about it all. Maybe his W did find out. Maybe he is scared, maybe lots of things, you just have to keep your head high and away from him for a while. If you NEED to get back to him, try to hold out till he writes you and explains it all. You deserve that. Otherwise you are a pawn again. Just hang in there, know that we are there for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 9:40am
sorry no one has responded.. i hope you are still hanging in there.. i will post a topic for you.. good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 9:59am
Hey there,

I just wanted to send you a hug!! I know you are hurting and things are still very confusing from the sound of things. You are going to get through this. Spring makes everything seem new. This may be a great time to start things new yourself. I'm a firm believer in NC. As hard as it is, it does help after a while. Hang in there. It is hard, but if I can do it I know that you can. Enjoy all the beautiful things in your life!!! I will try and check later to see if you got this and how you are doing!!

Karry

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 12:19pm
thanks for you support. I think its tough to get some on this board. I check twice a day and aside from you and abideth, there has been NO response to my message. Sure it was long, but i read everyone's when i can. I know everyone is busy, but this has been hell and i wish i had some of the support i see the others getting.. maybe in a perfect world.

Thanks for your hugs and thoughts.. i need it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 12:48pm
Sorry about the lateness of my response. (What is NL?) My thoughts are this. We allow these men to lower our self esteem, and we must do WHATEVER it takes to regain that. I haven't shared this here, but what I did was tough, but I feel so much better about myself. I went to my pastor and confessed, and asked for help to get out of a muddy situation. There is something that is inside me that makes me cling to the idiot i was with. You have a void that he was filling. figure out what that is, and fill it some other way. I stood up and told the truth, when it mattered. Many people cannot do that. Stop living the lie, tell the truth, confront it. It will set you free from the confusion and the self doubt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 8:20am
Hi!!

Just wondering how things are going? Are you feeling better? I know you can use the support. Wanted ya to know I'm thinking of you!!

Karry

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 9:02am
You sound so sad in your post. As hard as it is, you need to think of yourself and let go. Focus on yourself and do things that are for you.

Yes, it hurts so much to be stood up. Tell yourself you deserve better than what he can offer you.

I don't know much of your story other than what you have here.

Good luck and I hope things get better for you.

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 1:01pm
thanks for all the advice. I really do appreciate it all. I am doing okay. Was thinking today to send him a letter, but talked myself out of it.. i think its wise. thanks again and i will keep you posted should i be tempted again.. byee
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 1:54pm
I copy and pasted this from another post. These are such wise words posted by rutabagah.

(rutabagah, I hope you don't mind that I'm sharing them on another post.)



>>>you are worth so much more than a sideline. You deserve to be the center of someones world, not a satelite of theirs.<<<

These words ring true for so many of us.

Just something to think about.