A heartfelt thank you to everyone.
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|Sun, 08-26-2012 - 10:39am|
I have been reading the posts on EAS and the Healing Library since June. I had been involved in a four year affair and by events that transpired in my xAP life, we ended it on June the 16th. At first I thought my life was not worth living, but the little black cloud that seemed to follow me everyday has now lifted and I have all of you to thank for that.
To give you brief history of my story, I am a 52 year old female, married 30 years, 4 grown children, 5 grandchildren to date. My affair was with a man that I have known for 15 years and who my H workes with on a daily business developing properties. He is a very wealthy and kind man and helped me get thru a tough situation and things just got out of control from there. It was a physical affair and an emotional affair. The ending came when he found out his wife had been addicted to pain pills and had to put her in rehab. He called me that morning and told me we couldn't meet the next day as he had to take her to a rehab hospital in another state. He is very well known in our town and could not afford to have it get out. He said we needed to cool things off for awhile while he got her taken care of. He also told her that it was pretty well over for them since they have lived more like roommates for the last 10 years. This I knew to be true as I know his wife well and she would always talk to me and my husband about how miserable she was with him. They have 2 grown kids. Their marriage came about from their affair. He left his first wife and 4 year old daughter to marry his current wife.
I have not heard from him since, nor have I contacted him. I have spent my time working on me, my marriage and throwing myself into my children, grandchildren, work and church service. I am married to one of the best men whol has ever lived. He is kind, honest, a great dad, and true blue to the core. He knows nothing of the affair as he still works with the other on a daily basis. It used to hurt my heart when he would talk about the meetings they would have, but as the affair fog has slowly lifted and I have seen the reality of the whole situation it doesn't hurt so bad. We also own a business building together and I take care of the books for the tenants, but any correspondence has been done thru the good old post office and not in person anymore.
I used to rain tears and sorrow, but now thanks to all the kind words and encouragement from people I have never met, I rain sunshine, smiles, and laughter. I know I am not out of the woods completely yet, as I have a feeling that he might again try to contact me, but I know that the only outcome will be more pain for everyone involved and I don't want to be the author of a story that ends in lives of innocent people being destroyed.
I have come to realize from this horrible nightmare that I am so blessed, and that sometimes we take what we have been given for granted. We only get this one life, and even though I hit a pretty bad speedbump in mine, I have gotten over it, bruised and battered somewhat, but everyday is better than the day before. I have once again taken over driving my own car and have removed the rearview mirror that kept reminding me of the past and leaving me so sad. The future is what I concentrate on now, and I count my blessings everyday for the life I have been given. We are not rich, both my husband and I work full time to make end meet, but I have children and grandchildren who are angels in my life, and my husband is my knight in shining armor. I just never realized it before for whatever reasons, and to be honest I don't dwell on the why's so much anymore.
I want to send a special thank you to Clarity and Ratherbeme. Their strength and honesty in sharing their stories have helped to dry my tears, heal my hurts and focus on the future and not the past. So, to all of you who have posted so many, many words of encouragement and kindness, I thank you from the deepest part of my heart. I love you all. You saved me from a life that I thought was shattered but that I now realize is filled with joy and hope. I am worth more than an affair, and to all of you that are struggling, keep your eyes focused on the road ahead, put others before yourself, and even baby steps forward are still steps forward. Keep moving towards the light, all that is behind you is darkness and sadness. We can do this....we are worth more than our weight in gold. We are women and men of infinite worth and each have so much good to offer. I have a saying that I printed and put on my nightstand that I see every morning. "Be the kind of woman that when you wake up in the morning and your feet hit the floor, Satan says, "Oh no, she's up".