Heartsofsix saying "hello" after a very very long time...

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Heartsofsix saying "hello" after a very very long time...
Fri, 01-17-2014 - 1:42pm

Here's a "hello" to all of you who post and read here at EAS! I wanted to give a shout-out to all those vets and newbies here - this is an amazing community of folks who will provide you support and encouragement on each and every step of your journey to live a stronger and honest life.  Affairs weigh us down. As much as they seem to be a source of "excitement" and a "high" in our stress-filled and often times frustrating or boring lives, each and every affair brings with it the downers and "lows" of dishonesty, betrayal and hurt. 

I am a recovering adulterer, and have been A-free since February 23, 2011. My D-Day, for those of you who are new here and don't know my story, was brought upon me by my "friend and lover" himself. I had had two affairs by that time, the second one being fast and furious and a means to get back at xap #1 because he was talking about another girl and I was so addicted to the attention I had gotten from him, that when that lessened, #2 appeared from my past and he was willing to cheat on his wife - we were "destined" for one another, he said...anyway, affair #2 lasted all of 8 weeks. I was still keeping in touch with #1, still leading him on. #1 knew all about #2. Fast forward to February 23rd and when my life, and especially my marriage changed FOREVER. A letter arrived in the mail, actually 3 of them. One addressed to my H and sent to him at church (he is the pastor, BTW), one addressed to him at our house, and one addressed to me at our house. H got the letter and opened it while at church. I was at home, minding my own business. I got the call from H...I can remember the pain and fear that gripped me when H told me he had gotten the strangest letter of his entire life. That this man (who he knew to be my co-worker because I had talked about him in a "friendly" sort of way) admitted to him that he had been advised by his priest to send it and then admitted to having sex and a completely improper relationship with his wife for the past two years. He also wrote in this letter that he could "get the details" from his wife. And asked for forgiveness...when my H was talking to me on the phone and he said "letter" and xap's name, I remember my heart sank and I crumpled to the floor. H asked if he should come home and I said "yes"...he walked into the house and for the next hour or so before the kids came home from school, we both wept, I felt so ill, H was beside himself with grief and sorrow for the next several days, weeks, months...but the thing he did not tell me is "get out" or "I hate you".  Rather, he said "I love you so much." It was then that I knew what true love, true commitment meant. 3 years later and much marriage counseling, lingering anger and hurt later, we are still struggling to keep this commitment  that we began almost 21 years ago. Xap #1 or #2 never offered me commitment. There was all sorts of talk of it with #2, but nothing genuine. My H and I have 4 beautiful children together. Thankfully, they did not find out what had happened to our marriage. I pray they will never have to. 

As far as what I am up to lately, I am happy to announce that I have finally found a job in my field! I graduated with my Masters in Professional Counseling in May of 2012, and I am now a treatment counselor at a local hospital! So, I am helping people in their recovery from using substances. While I cannot identify completely with being a drug or alcohol addict, I know the dark place of dishonesty and being addicted to my affairs - I used two men in a horrible way. Almost 3 years clean and sober! :)  

I also bought my very first horse in December of 2012 - a purebred Arabian and her name is Ella! :)

(((((HUGS)))))) to you all,

Hearts <3

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010

Nice to hear successful recovery stories.  Glad you dropped in.


We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012

Hi Heartsofsix!

So nice of you to drop by and share your story.  You write it so well and poignantly, I could actually feel in my heart the fear, the pain and sorrow and then the relief of your husband's remarkable words to you. 

I'm so happy to hear of your successes...on the homefront and with work and Ella!  Remember when I got confused...okay, silly too...when you said you were striving to do horse therapy, and I was wondering how you would get a couch big enough for them to lie down on to tell you their tails of whoa? LOL !  When in actuality, it turned out that you were using horses for people therapy :)  

A purebred Arabian...how magnificent!  

Congratulations on your almost three years out.  Please drop by any time.  It is always nice to hear from you.

Wishing you nothing but the best,



Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board