Heavy heart, need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Heavy heart, need help
10
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 2:56pm

I come to the board asking for assistance. Those of you that know me and my situation know that I have a mother that is still in a A. She has been for 23 years. She told me the other day that their anniversary is coming up. Yep. She is that delusional and self-centered. My mom is completely obsessed with a man that she lives with, although he is still M to this other women.

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 3:36pm

((((Luvin))))

I wish I could give you some really good advice on how to handle this situation, but I am really at a loss for ideas. After 23 years, it doesn't seem like your mom is going to let go of her A. Perhaps this is one more thing you will just need to accept for what it is. As you well know, there's nothing that you can do or say that will change your mom's mind. It has to come from her.

Maybe you can lay out some ground rules for the holidays? Tough, tough situation for you and your entire family. I am sorry you have to deal with this.

Maybe you need to have a very quiet sit down talk with your mom and let her know what you will and won't put up with. Reminder how much you love her, how you recognize she did not have an easy lot in life and that you appreciate all she did for you and her children. Let her know you see the destruction happening and that it hurts you and that you cannot abide it any longer?? I don't know if that will work or not.

I don't think I've helped with advice, but I just want you to know how much you mean to all of us here and I hate it that you are hurting right now. I will say a prayer and wish you and your family peace, comfort and love.

XO

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 3:44pm

((HUGS))

Luvin, I am just about to run my kids around this evening, but I will email you off board tonight to respond to your questions, & to offer you what care and support I can.

With Love,

TU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 4:12pm

Luvin :)

I'm glad TU is going to email you. The only thing I can say is that I'm thinking of you and I can empathize. My mom stayed with my alcoholic step dad for 15 years before she finally had enough. I went through hell listening to how miserable she was. But nothing I ever said mattered until she made the decision. I hope with all my heart that you can get through to her. ((hugs))

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 4:13pm

Sweet, dear friend -

How to confront your mother and come out of it better off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 4:17pm
Perfect Dee,

In short, I (unfortunately) couldn't agree more.

i wish my kid's Harry Potter want really could work magic ...

xo
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 4:38pm

((Luvin))

I too sadly agree with Dee's response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 7:09pm
I know it was tough one gang. I just really hopedthst there was some silver lining somewhere. That there was a way. Some way! I think it's so hard to for me to just accept that it may never get any better-until one day she passes on. I am trained to find a argument when there is none. This is one I just have to accept for what it is. I just hurt to see my siblings hurt so much. I am like their mom too...n I wish I could have avoided their suffering all these years ago and I tried but u can not ever replace your mom...no matter how she is, u still need her, u still love her...
This is all a great lesson, a lesson for us to realize the long term effects of A's n how it affects your children whether you know it or not.

I want to thank you all for coming to my aid n supporting me. U are simply the best! U all helped whether u thought so or not.
As usual my DEE, u hit the nail on the head! I knew this but wanted to believe I could work some magic to undo all the years of pain for all of us. I am ok gang. if nothing else, my mom created one tough little cookie. I will be fine. Just hard to accept. Family is so important to me. I am extremely independent and work hard, she forced this upon me. It just pains me to see her in the state she will likely die in.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 7:38pm

Dear Luvin,

My heart is heavy and sad for you.

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 12:36am

Hi luvin,

I think the silver lining for you is that you are a great Mother and a caring person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 3:13pm

(((( Luvin ))))