He'll be a thousand miles away
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| Sun, 03-13-2005 - 11:38pm |
i chose the "confused" sign cuz i can't seem to decide if this is good, or bad.
First things first. For the 2 year A and for a few more months, he lives right down the street. Well i knew he was moving...as a matter of fact we put our "timeline" of who he was goign to be with based on the sale of his house. We all figured that was logical. He chose to stay w/ W. He wanted to be friends w/ me. And ever since we broke up a few weeks ago, we have been, and it's been great. At first i thought i couldn't do it, but i realized i could. We were two adults making decisions. We couldn't go on forever. In fact, it felt good to be off the emotional roller coaster and to just have a friend. It was a relief, and it was nice. We weren't trying to suck each other back in, and it worked.
Today i found out he's moving alirght. A thousand miles away.
i was devastated and i let him have it. Twice. i was angry and i am not usually angry. i felt like everything we had was a farce and i felt abandon. He fought for this friendship, he got it, we were handling it great, and just as i felt comfortable with it, he's taking that away too.
It's the w's insistance and i can't blame her. One, it's away from me :) And two, they have a dd in that state. Lower cost of living. It makes sense. Hell it's warmer. Makes me want to go LOL (kidding).
But i feel "left" in a whole new way. His chosing to stay i can understand. They have a long history together and it doesn't make me doubt his love for me. But for awhile this did have me doubting, and i hate that. i feel like he's breaking promises he made to me. But on the other hand, i have no right. He made his choice, he does need to commit to her, he's offering himself as a long distance friend, and i can take it or leave it and my picking it apart is just wrong. in the long run, it may even be better for me. But we were going aong just fine as it was! Gr.
So we had a friendhip, and he says we still will. But i feel kinda lost. The man who knows me most is leaving and he'll be very far away. We will still stay in touch i'm sure for at least awhile. But i am used to being able to call him when i need some help around the house, or i'm in a bind and need a hand or a hug. He wanted to be my friend, he got it, now he's changing the rules again. UGH.
and just for the record i was moving on. Staying busy...going to the gym...going out weekends. i have accepted the end of the A, but it was only a few weeks ago. Consdering that i was doing good. Now i have to accept this.
thank you for listening,
jen

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i agree gal, it's kind of like fate has given me a fresh start. it wasn't my first choice and yes, it made me realize i am too involved in the friendship. Now that it will all be over soon it makes things a little clearer. i feel better about everything every day. i want to see him happy, and i want me to find the one i was supposed to find too. i still have my sad moments. But i see no choice other than to be strong and consider myself lucky for all i have. i will have a good friend in him and the freedom to find a man available to me. Still tough at times. But it's time to get off the roller coaster and onto a new chapter.
thank you all so much,
jen
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