Hello and upcoming face to face w/xAP
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| Thu, 04-29-2010 - 11:08am |
Wow, lots of new "faces" on here.
I've been reading some and certainly not posting much lately. In a way I've reached the point where visiting EAS brings up a lot of memories I'd like to forget.
I'm not 100% out of the woods - I wonder if I ever really will be. Soon, there will be an event that my husband and I will attend and I know xAP will be there for certain. Thankfully, xAP and I are 1000 miles away from each other, so I don't have to see him. But I have seen him on TV (sports) and I have seen his name in print. Small triggers, but they still stab me in the heart to a degree. Regarding the upcoming event, I am developing a plan of action. I'm trying not to obsess over it, but I know I need to have something to rely on in case I have a confrontation with xAP. He would use this event as an opportunity to bombard me with questions on why I ended the affair. I know him - he can't stand to lose, he would have to get to the bottom of the issue. So I am trying to think of ways to avoid him. Not likely - we will be in a reception hall together. I have time on my side to prepare and hopefully I won't have to use any preplanned maneuvers! I will let you EAS'ers know what happens, but it is still weeks away. Hi everybody!!!

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HI BK73
I too have been out of my EA since 12/08. We are in the same circle of friends so I do have to see my xAP from time to time. We tried the "friends thing" for almost a year. It really just does not work. I am now on day 26 of full N/C. That won't last forever as
I have to say so-sad, I've had triggers that set me back. But the set backs only lasted a very short while, maybe a day or so. I didn't fall so far backward that I contacted him thank goodness! After time, you begin to realize how the triggers affect you and you just go with it. You know what it feels like and you know you will be ok after it passes. Passing that strength to you so-sad!!
Ohhh BK,
The A….the gift the keeps on giving…NOT!
Whe…llll now you are going to have to leave that nice southern
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hi Bandk -
I too have been away from the board lately, mostly because sometimes I feel like if I keep coming here, it's just keeping the A in the forefront of my mind, which is NOT where I want it to be.
BK,
I feel your pain!
Hey bandk I was wondering where you have been.
E1, hey sweetie!!
You are right - I do not want to put my focus on him versus enjoying the event. We will be there to honor college athletes, a program my H and I support in many ways. They are the true focus. I just know xAP so well and know if he can, he will try to speak to me. My plan is to avoid him of course! I know I will be on my own when my husband goes into a board meeting early during the event. Other than that time, I will be fine as I will stick to H's side! xAP is just so dang pushy and yeah, I have a tendency to be too dang nice. Thanks E1 for the links, I will read them.
Bandk,
Hey girl! So good to hear from you!
I know you are anxious about seeing xap face to face but
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I could see how you would be concerned during that time he might try to approach you. I see your dilemma...hmmmm....do you think if you dress like this he would get the hint that you are not interested in chatting?
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Gal,
I understand being here on EAS can keep the A in the forefront of our minds. It certainly has mine from time to time. I know because of what I went through, I completely understand another posters pain. Reading someone else's story often does bring up memories of my own affair. So sometimes it's best I just don't open EAS. But I'd like to think occasionally I might be able to offer some support. And seek it too!
The affair is almost always in the back of my mind, not so far back that it is forgotten, but it is there and I recognize it as such. I don't think about xAP's daily activities or what he is doing, but mostly about what I did, why and the long, long struggle to end it. When faced with a trigger, the affair and him stay on my mind for a while. I don't know if we can ever be completely free. I say I am haunted because when I go into certain rooms in my own home, (he visited for a long weekend once) sometimes I shudder. Those memories stay with me a while, maybe a few hours or until I get immersed in something that needs my full attention. I don't dwell on them, but they remind me of the 3 yrs. I allowed myself to risk so much for so little. I don't get sad, if anything, I get mad!! ha ha. Other triggers that once bothered me are very weak now. One example is seeing a car like his. No big deal any longer. When I pass hotels we patronized, it either is a non-event or occasionally I might think "____ you xAP" :-) College football season is a reminder and I just get through it. I do see xAP on the sidelines, but I try not to look at him, if I did then I'd be missing the game! Just as I have forgotten things that have happened long ago, I hope I forget the details and bits and pieces of my affair. I doubt I ever forget xAP, we were college sweethearts and reconnected after 30 years. But I hope he will become a faded memory in time. Lord help me if I ever succumb to Alzheimer's and rattle crazy words about this jerk!!
I knew this event was approaching and I was pretty sure as a member of the media, he would be there. This is his college team too. Just last week I saw his name on a list of attendees. Most likely, he knows we will be there, my H is on the supporter's foundation board. In the past I was weak and I allowed him to talk me into things. I am not the same woman any longer, so I hope my resolve stays strong and I can avoid words with him.
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