Hello everyone...been a long time
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| Tue, 06-07-2005 - 9:47am |
Hello all,
It's been a while since I have posted; although, I lurk daily. For those of you who still remember me, MM left almost 10 weeks ago so the physical affair has been over for some time but the emotional A has continued. He claims he will always love me and I am very special to him...yadda...yadda...yadda, but what he says and feels doesn't matter much to me anymore. I thought we could be friends like so many of us often do, but realized he is like cancer, and he can't be apart of my life anymore. Being "friends" is not an option for us, for me. Some very serious things have happened, and I finally see who and what he really is, but it has come at a costly price to my soul!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to tell all of you who are struggling with all the pain and anguish which affairs cause that there are brighter, better days to come if you remain determined. I thought I was going to go insane. I obssessed over him. I cried all the time. I couldn't sleep. Basically, I lost all interest in living life! I didn't think I could ever get over this. But.......slowly and surely....it's happening, but it hasn't come without a lot of self-evaluation and healing a lot of old hurts. I still have my days...like today. I don't break down and cry like I used to but the hurt flows and it's there. I still have a long journey ahead but the rope I WAS LETTING HIM HANG ME WITH, has been cut and shredded.
As far as my marriage, we are in counseling. He does not know of the affair; although, I think he has his suspicions but I don't think he wants to deal with "that" or believe I could ever do something like "that". I love him, "in love" no. I am learning that the "in love" stage doesn't remain for most beyond 2-3 years. There is a more deeper love and although not that exciting and mind-boggling......It's enough. We have spent some much needed quality time together, and it feels good. However, I am taking care of me now. The therapist told him that while I am "trying to find myself" that I will be distant and he has been supportive. I agree with Free......no major decisions for 6 months at the least. So I am managing to take each day and it comes.
Free....Lizzie..Noregrets....Jackson.....Max, thank you all so very much. I didn't know how much truth existed in your words to me many months ago. I understand now because I have clarity of mind. You can't see clearly when you are constantly trying to justify such horrible behavior to yourself. Whether I was invited or not, it was my choice to participate in an affair with another woman's husband. I accept responsibility now. Finally!!!!!
Strength to all!
SS

sunshine,
glad to hear that u are moving on, i know it is hard to see anything when the fog of lies is looming around us
glad to hear u are in a much better place now,
take care,
max
SS
I am very pleased to see that your moving forward one step at at time, it's not a foot race you get were your going when you do,it's as much about the journey as it is the destination, a journey that you and your husband will start to take together in due time.
The infatuation period that we call being IN LOVE is only a brief thing and yes it feels great....but here is another little thought for you that DEEP abiding love that really makes two people one is by far the greater love and it only gets better and deeper as time goes on if you take the time to Nourish it, no one can really tell you what it is like until you live it....IT'S WORTH WHAT IT TAKES TO LIVE IT.
Be well, God Bless.
Free
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AMEN to that ((( FREE )))- my marriage is becoming a deeper, more enriching garden of joy day by day AND the thrill of a quick, sexual "fix" is becoming increasing less important to me in the grand scheme of things. Amazing what happens when you become fully "present" and as you say, give your love NOURISHMENT.
Just a quick personal question to you - how do you keep having the strength to reach out to all those here who have not "seen the light"? Somedays , the more I read , the more frustrated and saddened I get about the ability of human beings to deceive themselves.... BUT I guess it also helps to reinforce the choice that I have made to also "free" myself.
Thanks again for alway "being there" for us all,
ARTIST