Help??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
Help??
4
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 4:37pm
I have been married for 14.5 yrs to a good man. we have one child. Abt a year ago i came back into contact with an old friend of mine whom i knew when i was a teenager. we started talking and eventually started an affair. i fell in love with him and he with me. he was seperated at the time from his wife and is now divorced. at first i know it was like a drug and i couldnt see past my nose. now i see the bigger picture. the flaws. the chaos with his family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: keeper111
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 5:37pm

Keeper,


First off, welcome to endings.


<<i believe he would do almost anything for me.>>


Then he needs to get out of your life. You have to tell him you are not leaving your H, you are not breaking up your M for him, and that you are now going to go NC and he needs to respect that.


As far as thinking you have fallen out of love with your H, it's your affair that is making you feel that way. Completely

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2010
In reply to: keeper111
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 6:14pm
Please listen carefully.....get out while you still can!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: keeper111
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 9:53pm

Keeper-

Welcome to EAS. You poor dear. I know where you are. I've been there- so many of us have. We finally reach a point where we are so exhausted we can't stay or leave... we are in limboland and it makes us crazy. We are barely existing.

Keep reading here and you will find that so many feel or felt the same way that you do. I did. And I finally hit rock bottom. I couldn't take it anymore. I thought I had fallen out of love with my H, and yet I wasn't getting what I needed from xap. So I walked away. I let him go. It had to end and I knew it. I knew that if I didn't end it, he never would and I would die. My H discovered my A for the 3rd time the day after I ended it. It was excruciating. I hated myself for what I had done to him, to me, to us. I do not wish a DDay on anymore. Fortunately for me, I have an H who is full of compassion and he has forgiven me and our M is better than it has ever been. When I walked away from the A, the fog started to lift right away. The harsh lights of reality were thrown on and I was left standing in the mess that I created. However, despite that mess, my H and I have discovered a new appreciation for each other. We are open and honest at every turn. It is exhilarating and comforting. He loves me in spite of myself. He would never hurt me the way that xap hurt me or the way I allowed xap to hurt me.

It sounds to me like you've hit that bottom- that point where you know what you have to do, it's just a matter of doing it. You can walk away. You are stronger than you know. I certainly didn't think that I was strong enough. I had tried to end it so many times before. This last time was different though- I had nothing left. No hope. Nothing. And I found this board and I posted here and I garnered strength from the wisdom and insight of others who have been through it. You can do it and we will support you. So many here have done it and so many before have done it. I hope you find the strength. It's your only choice.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
In reply to: keeper111
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 10:09pm

Keeper,


Welcome!