HELP!
Find a Conversation
HELP!
| Tue, 10-12-2004 - 4:20pm |
Oh damn. I am not sure what happened but all of a sudden that "feeling" has come about and now I am feeling a bit weak and panicky. Feeling like I want to reach out to him...just to see how he is. I swear I think I have a split personality sometimes. One minute I am fine and then this happens. Just reading these posts sometimes does it to me too. Gets me thinking and then I am overcome with the "feeling" that I want to talk to him.
Remind me again, why I absolutely can't contact him?!!!!

Pages
First of all here's a big ol' (((((HUG)))) for you!
You absolutely can NOT call him for many reasons....
1. You want to be over him, and calling him won't help you achieve that. Don't do anything to conflict with what you REALLY want your life to be like.
2. You are in a withdrawal cycle. The only way for those to lessen over time is to fight the urge and stay strong. Otherwise, it will just set you back.
3. YOU want to be the strong one in control, right? Calling him gives him the control, and it's a lot easier to walk away when you are on top.
4. You think it will make you feel better now, but it WILL NOT! You WILL regret it. I promise. It will make you feel worse.
That's it for now. I want to get this to you fast so I'm wrapping up. We can chat more later, be BE STRONG!!!!!
XOXO
Lily
I play these silly mind games sometimes and I said to myself...if nobody responds by 4:30 than I can email him...if I get a response than its a sign from God and I cant email him...and low and behold pops up a lovely note from Lilly reminding me why.
This is unbelievalbe...I cant believe that these feelings keep coming back....just when I think I am doing great I get hit by this feeling.
Before I would just contact him...this time I listened to the advice of most here...when you are feeling like that come here and post and post often.
A part of me feels embarassed that I get weak.
But better to be weak here with you guys who understand it rather than be weak and reach out to him. I guess the NC thing is still pretty fresh so I should lighten up a bit on myself.
Thanks Lilly!!!!
xoxo!
Dipss
You saved me!
1) because this affair is pure poision for your son.
2) because this affair is pure poision for your husband.
3) because this affair is pure poision for your marriage.
4) because this affair is pure poision for you.
5)if you do I am going to come over there and kick your a$$. :-)
Most importantly because you do not really want to contact him or you would have with out posting about it, your fighting it by coming here so you don't really want it in your heart of hearts do you.
RESIST IT YOUR WINNING.
Free
HUGS for a better day tomorrow.
I particularly liked #5 (LOL!!!). Yup I need a good a$$ kicking sometimes!
Thanks for refreshing my memory!!!
You know I never thought of it that way but you know, your right...I guess deep down I am trying to fight it. I could have just emailed him and instead now I am fighting these urges by coming here. In the past, I would have just emailed him or called him.
I guess that is pretty good then, right?
Thanks Free.
xo!
Dipss
I dont have much to add to what the other posts have said..I just wanted to say you have given a great idea to me!
When I do have those weak moments I will just come here and post! Someone can tell me they will come kick my butt or whatever and I can laugh and KNOW that I am RIGHT by not contacting him!
HUGS to you! All of you here are just wonderful! So glad to be here!!
Smiles
MB
I am SO proud of you! You had a moment, you got through it. That is BIG and you should celebtate!
It's funny, I do those mind-games too. :) I think lots of us do. Ironically, I could have gone on and on with my post, but something made me hurry up and get it to you. I felt like I needed to shut up and hit that button FAST! LOL!
So glad you are doing better. NEVER EVER EVER feel embarassed for being weak. It's part of it! (I just read a bunch of my old posts, and boy. I can't believe how weak I seemed!) You aren't giving in, though, and that's what counts. Actually, that seems pretty damn strong to me!
XOXO!
Lily
I broke NC once and regretted it.
Because you know what?
I do miss him.
I do think of him.
I do wonder how he is.
BUT...
I don't want HIM to know that. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I'm not over him yet. He gets nothing more from me, ever. He already took and took and took from me. And I'm done giving.
It took me almost 7 weeks to get to this point. Hang in there and use logic when the feelings overwhelm you!
Next time, remember the buzzwords you told me to remind you of -- maintain your DIGNITY, right? Stick with your decision, don't be WISHY-WASHY! ;-)
xo,
K.
You know NYC told me to go back and read what I wrote and I did and I thought Geez talk about split personality (thanks for that advice NYC - it actually helped to see my own words - yikes! So much easier to think clearly for others huh??!!). For the most part I feel like what I wrote in that post and then I get those moments that I am totally feeling overwhelmed and all my senses go out the window. Its almost a panicky feeling and I was trying to figure out what makes me react that way and it seems like when I am feeling overwhelmed with work, life etc...I automatically feel like I need a release and I guess "he" was my release. I think. Still trying to figure it out.
But sometimes I also find that by reading all the posts I get overwhelmed with anxiety and sadness too. I guess that is a bit of a catch 22 also. Again, I am still trying to figure out what forces that overwhelming "Feeling" that overtakes my mind!
But you know what Ms. Katie, YOUR RIGHT! I am doing much better. This is the first time, after several tries of ending this A that I am actually sticking to NC. So I guess that is something to be proud of. I guess I need to recognize some of my small accomplishments and I have to say that I am pretty proud of myself that I came here before I sent off that email...phew! It was mighty close. You know its funny cuz' this morning I was getting ready and the thought of having contacting him yesterday kinda repulsed me. Why would I want to do that to myself or my family??? Again, when I am able to think clearly without that panicked feeling I see it all so clearly.
Yes if you want to torture me...keep throwing those buzzwords my way. Dignity and Wishy Washy. Yikes! Gives me shivers just thinking that I fell into that category.
Have a good day. Hoping for a strong one with less emotion today.
xo!
Dipss
Pages