HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
HELP
9
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 10:19am
I have tried to breakoff an A with SOM for a second time a few weeks ago. The A has been somewhat brief. He is a friend from HS. We began e-mailing each other in July 03 and just began seeing each other when he moved back to town in Nov 03. I have been M for 8 years with 1 child and one on the way. I broke off the A but because I am scared to death of ruining my M. I love my H, but I am very sexually attracted to OM. I'm sure the pregnancy hormones in overdrive don't help matters.

My problem is that last night, I began thinking about OM and contemplated getting together with him again. Instead, I was a good girl and took out my sexual frustrations on my H. We had great sex last night. The problem is I still woke up this morning craving sex from OM.

We have sent a few casual e-mails back and forth in the past few weeks. I even sent him a little Valentine this morning even though I had no intentions of doing so. He politely responded in kind. I have been an emotional basketcase during our A, so I don't know that he would actually want to hook up with me again. It's just too difficult. However, I'm halfway inclined to suggest a "friends with benefits" relationship just to satisfy each other sexually.

Personally, I think I would eventually hate myself for being so self-degrading by practically begging for sex from him. This is probably just a lot of hormones talking, but I am seriously almost on the brink. HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
In reply to: kissmesunshine
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 11:59am
I had a very similar situation. E-mailing a hs friend. Those emails can get intimate quite quickly and it gives you something to look forward to every day. We were VERY sexually attracted to each other and eventually did meet and have sex for months. All I can say is the sexual attraction is a very strong attraction. It was better than all of my yrs of marriage, better than I ever imagined it could be. But now that it is over it hurts as much as it felt good before. The pain of seperation is almost unbearable. I still dream and think about the sex, I really think it was an addiction.

This probably hasn't helped much but I know what you are going through. Be careful!

--hugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: kissmesunshine
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 12:01pm
STOP STOP STOP

Your hormones are completely out of wack you cannot trust how your feeling right now.

Picture yourself D with 2 young children to take care of and your husband with his new trustworth wife.

NOW IS IT WORTH IT.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
In reply to: kissmesunshine
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 12:34pm
KMS........I apologize in advance for my harshness but life is about lessons and *learning* from our mistakes. Life is also about becoming responsible adults whom are accountable for our actions.

You say you love your H and you're carrying his 2nd child... PLEASE start acting as the mature woman you are and not the horny high school teenage girl that puts out for every guy! Have you considered that you just may be putting your unborn child's life in danger by having sex with another man!

Even though you've already betrayed your H, you claim to love him...yes, our hormones are strong but sorry, that's not an excuse. True love IS stronger. You need to be working on figuring out WHY you betrayed your H and what seems to be a happy marriage in the first place...perhaps you have a sex addiction? If so, please get into counseling ASAP. I fear that if you don't, you will live a miserable life of affairs, LIES and *never* being satisfied with what you have.

I'm sorry for being so harsh but sometimes we need the reality of harsh love to wake us up.....Good Luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
In reply to: kissmesunshine
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 1:21pm
Thank you all. A swift kick in the butt or a harsh shake of the shoulders to snap me out of this fog is exactly what I need right now.

To clarify. We didn't start getting physically intimate until 12/03 during a weak moment. We never had time or opportunity to see each other much, and when we did, it was only in one of our cars (not very satisfying). We talked about getting together in a more comfortable location where we could really experience each other the way we wanted to. That never happened because I broke things off before then. Still, I think fantasizing about what could have been is what gets to me sometimes.

As far as my M goes. Like I tried to explain to OM, I was never dissatisfied in my M and was not out looking for A. H and I have been together since we were 16. We dated for 5 yrs and have been married for 8 yrs. I hadn't felt the rush of being "in love (or lust)" for so long that it completely swept me off my feet and made me feel more alive than ever before. Yes, I do feel like a horney teenager again. :> But, the guilt and fear are just as gripping.

H and OM are complete physical opposites. H is physically attractive but medium to small build. I am a very small build as well. OM is has a much larger build, thick, hairy chest, soft facial hair, etc. For the first time, I felt like I was with a MAN, and it was extremely thrilling. I felt small in his embrace and completely enveloped in him. I tried to explain to OM, I was never dissatisfied with H, but I never knew any difference. Now, knowing the difference is what haunts me and drives me crazy. It's purely physical. H is absolutely superior to OM in every other way. I'm not willing to throw away everything I have with H over this.

How do you get over the physical attraction and fantasizing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: kissmesunshine
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 8:01pm
TOTAL NO CONTACT PERIOD.

Keep busy and try to think of the price you could pay to play with old hairy boy.

Size does not make a man character does, and hairy boy has none.

GOOD LUCK AND BE STRONG, you have little ones depending on you to do the smart thing.



Edited 2/13/2004 8:03:45 PM ET by mefreenow


Edited 2/13/2004 9:34:48 PM ET by mefreenow

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
In reply to: kissmesunshine
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 8:36pm
I know I shouldn't laugh, but your post reminded me of me so much I can't help giggling... my xOM had great assets, if you know what I mean, and for months I fantasised about him. I even pretended it was him when having sex with my husband! oh, I was a basket case alright!

Well, you asked how to get over the physical attraction... exercise my dear, exercise. Work out hard, so that you'll have no problem falling asleep.

That and time are your only allies.

Oh, and share your fantasies with your husband... guys dig that. Of course, you know yourself to be careful in the details you share.... i think the husband should NOT know that some of your fantasies have come true with the help of another man.

I share your torment, sister...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
In reply to: kissmesunshine
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 9:17pm
Mefreenow, that comment about "old hairy boy" was so funny I was literally laughing out loud!! I needed that, thanks! And I agree with the post about the exercise...I have been running on that treadmill a lot lately.

--careful
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: kissmesunshine
Sat, 02-14-2004 - 10:30am


yeah, that hairy old man bit is hilarious

i was rolling on the ground!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
In reply to: kissmesunshine
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 12:56pm
Thanks again. The "old hairy guy" comment made me laugh too. Even more than the hair issue, I think his physical size was the most satisfying. One important lesson I did learn is there is absolutely no correlation between large hands/feet/overall body size and what is going on downstairs. Let me just say that I have a whole new appreciation for H in that aspect. (Too bad I can't share that info with him)