Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2003
Help!
9
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 1:13am
Here's my story. I met a man, he was wonderful. Weeks went by and I started to feel something was wrong. He lives an hour away from me, so I went to where he lived and found out (OUCH) that he's married. I saw him that same night and told him it was over. He kissed my ass and I gave in. Everytime I see him it's the same thing. I yell, scream, holler, blah blah blah, and then he talks to me calmly and I forgive him. We have sex, I wake up in the morning and guess who is gone? I feel bad....I yell I scream ....and he calms me down. He tells me it won't be over, because he doesnt want it to be over. He also claims I will have his baby. Good lord is that what I want!! He said as long as we are dating, I am not to go out with anyone.....and if he catches me with anyone....he will break my jaw. He is from Jamaica. I guess it doesn't matter where he is from, but he claims that things are different over in Jamaica..but I keep telling him guess what! We are NOT in jamaica. So the other night I found out where he lived. I went to his house in the middle of the night..yeah I'm turning psycho now....and woke up him and his wife. I was crying and blah blah and he wouldn't talk to me. I asked him to talk to me and he wouldn't. I asked her if she was having sex with him and she said of course I am. She told me I was better off finding a nice american and whatever and of course she's gonna say that....she wants her husband, right? So I'm devastated. I can't get this idiot out of my head. The next day he calls me and I break down crying. He drives up here to see me. He swears on his life, his moms and his kids, that he has not slept with her since I have met him and He's going to leave her. Just give it time. Give it time so he can cheat on me ???? I say these things because I'm not stupid, I know what's going on. But I can't seem to break it off. Before me going to his house, he came to my house one night and I went as far as not answering the door. Well...ummm I guess he really wanted to talk to me becuase he kicked in the door, cracking the wood. A few days later he brought his friend over and they fixed it. I seriously thought I needed to get a restraining order on the man but when I went to talk to a lady at a domestic violence shelter here in town, she said I would have to go to the police and they would arrest him. Well something must seriously be wrong with my head, I don't want him to go to jail, so I left. He lies to me all the time and I know it. I'm heart broken when he's not here. I dream up all this stuff of what he must be doing with his wife. I'm 100% positive he married her for a green card, isn't that quaint? Good lord. So what can this man possibly offer me? NOTHING So why am I still letting him fill my head with all these lies, when I know they aren't even true. To tell the truth, I'm afraid of him in away and I get some sort of sick, twisted, demented rush from it. What can I do? HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: micheleka2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 2:49am
Hi YOU! I'm going to be blunt. You are here so, you already know how smart you are! Right?

I don't care if he does talk with that cute accent or not! NO ONE HAS A RIGHT TO THREATEN YOU!

The better they talk, the worse they are for you! GET AWAY FROM HIM! He's an abuser waiting to happen!

You've done all the RIGHT things so far! EXCEPT RUNNING AS FAR AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go!!! I SEND YOU CYBER SKATES to GIVE YOU SPEED! Go, PLEASE HURRY!!!!

Aren't you worth more then a BABY HE WANTS? and a SMACK UPSIDE YOUR HEAD?


YES, YES, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2003
In reply to: micheleka2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 3:00am
Yep, I am worth more than that. I have told him that. I can do so much better.

But I guess I'm the only one who is going to figure out how to get him away from me, right? Right now the only thing I can see doing is calling the police and I dont wanna take it that far. But man.......he's screwing with my life!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: micheleka2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 3:03am
Then what are you going to do ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: micheleka2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 6:59am
Micheleka

I have just ONE thought reading your post - GET AWAY FROM HIM.

He is dangerous - how dare a married liar threaten you with physical violence... and to say you WILL have his baby???

If you need police protection, get it... but do NOT sleep with him or talk to him again... you are putting your emotional AND physical self in great danger...

Glinda

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2003
In reply to: micheleka2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 11:09am
He just left here and I immediately started in on him. He had the nerve to tell me he is sick of me treating him like this. He said if he wanted to be constantly reminded that he was married, he would wear his wedding ring. I watched him walk out the door, he said he woudln't come back this time (THIS TIME????) I've been through this whole "i'm not coming back" quite a few times now. Maybe this is it. I started to cry a little and thought why bother? He's not crying about it. He can go get comfort from his wife. I also found a website last night about how married men view the ones they are cheating with. One statistic said that 95% of all marriages that started off as an affair end in divorce. I told him that. I told him how could he have respect for me when I am settling for left over scraps of attention he gives me when he can sneak away from his wife. So I guess I did it! He left. I have a son, he hates him. I guess my son is smarter than me. I'm sure he is happy that i just threw him out... As for me, I want to go running after him and say noooooooooo I love you I'm sorry for yelling at you, dont leave.
Avatar for stre2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: micheleka2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 5:36pm
MICHELEKA.... Please STOP... think and then THINK some more!!!!


What you have with this man is NOT love! Love never leaves us in tears! When love is present, there is no need to RUN after someone to keep them from walking out or away!

Listen to your son... shut the door on this unbelievably bad relationship! This man is using you in the worst possible way!!! Don't continue to allow him or YOU to keep doing this to yourself!!!!!!!

Please WAKE UP and realize that this relationship is not going to go anywhere! The longer you stay with him, the more abusive he will become!

File a police protective order... they won't arrest him unless he comes back and harasses you AGAIN but hopefully, once he knows he will be risking arrest... he won't show up ever again!

Once you end this, you WILL feel better about yourself and your life can start getting back to normal. Good luck!

Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: micheleka2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 7:44pm
GOOD FOR YOU for telling him you deserve respect and kicking his sorry *ss to the curb!! I know it hurts and I do know how much you wanted to say "I take it all back, I love yoU" but you DID NOT and you are STRONG.

You can get through this... just don't give in, don't call him, don't answer his calls... you need to be away from him to clear your head. You have a very smart son -- is THIS the kind of man you want as a role-model for how a man should be for your son???? I don't think so... right????

What kind of "man" says "If I wanted to be reminded I am married I would wear my wedding ring?" - a LOSER... a LIAR... a CHEAT... you deserve so much better than him. He had the nerve to physically threaten you - he is not a man, not a real man who would EVER deserve a wonderful woman like you...

Keep coming here - we will all hold your hand and help you get through the worst parts of this, but NOTHING is worse than what your future would be if you ended up with this guy...

Hugs

Glinda

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2003
In reply to: micheleka2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 12:30pm
I have big issues. Good God! The day I said I'm done with him, I went to visit an old friend. We were having a drink when my phone rang. It was the married man...he said come outside and talk to me. I was a little lost, because how on earth could he know where I was? Well he found me. I didn't come out. He went to the house and made me leave it and then told me to get home and followed me there. I was scared to death, well he wasn't as hostile as I thought he would be. He said, u know i love u and blah blah blah blah. He didn't leave until the next day. He said something to my son like, I'm going to be living here soon and we will all be happy together. I was like oh my god, nooooooo! If I cringed at this, why didn't I do something!! I must have brain damage! I sit here and let him run over me like HELLO is anyone home! I'm beginning to think that this idea of comming here to seek help was wasting my time and anyone who is reading this. I must be his property now? I am disgusted. And thank u for ur words or encouragement! I'm really trying like hell to get out of this, but maybe not as hard as I should be?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2003
In reply to: micheleka2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 12:50pm
Hi Sherry,

I went to talk to someone at a domestic violence shelter. They told me that in order to get a PPO, I have to file a police report. They would come over and take pictures of my door and then arrest him. I left because I didn't want to take it that far. I just wanted to keep him away from me, not get him arrested.