Help! Advice needed.... fast!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Help! Advice needed.... fast!
3
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 6:40pm
Okay. quick "big picture" - My brother found out almost two years ago that his wife of 14 years was having an affair, and broke the news to him in a very matter-of-fact way... no regrets, not apologies. She moved out 6 months later-per an agreement between them that they would give it some time to see if it was still what she wanted to do. It was, and she did, and continued to see this guy for about 6 more months afterward. My brother clung to her like a nettle. Was always there for her when she wanted him to take her out, or what have you, except for sex... At first he didn't want to sleep with her knowing she was still seeing the other man, but then she swore that is was over (they work together, she refused to change jobs and just said he should trust her), yet they still are not having sex, because she just WON'T. He respects that and doesn't push it. But it isn't anything they have ever discussed. She won't stay over at his house, she won't invite him to her apartment, and she doesn't invite him to her functions. only wants to accompany him to his. She is condescending to him in front of us (his family) and some times just out and out bitter toward him. He tries to change the things that she complains about, but then it's always something else. He is her doormat and will not listen when I tell him that women do not respect men that will not stand up for themselves. So his life is lived in a state of limbo. My girlfriend is a waitress at a diner in the town that my sisterinlaw works in. Friday she went to that diner for lunch. with the other man. She was sweating bullets when my girlfriend went over to wait on them (they know each other through me and my s-i-l knows that my friend is aware of their sitauation) My friend told me. DO I TELL MY BROTHER????? It sounds so obvious that I should. I was hoping that the guilt or fear of being outed by me would compel her to admit that she is still seeing him. So far, no. I guess I am afraid that I will tell him this bit of info, that SHOULD by all rights force him to finally admit that he deserves to be loved and take action to end this marriage, and it will actually not have that effect. Then I think I will be angry him for being such a wuss. Do I tell him on the phone? We live about 45 minutes apart. Then next time I see him in person will be Easter, and I don't know if she will be there or not, Plus... it's Easter. Not good Easter type news. Help?!?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 7:09pm


Beat the rush and tell him now, he is your flesh and blood you have to tell him even if he wants to be a wuss.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 12:51am
I agree that you should tell him but I also think you should make the effort to do it in person because it will most likely break his heart, again, and he may need a shoulder to cry on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 8:45am
I agree that you should tell him, but be prepared -- a lot of times people have misplaced anger toward the messenger! He may be angry with you for awhile. But he's your brother; I do think you should tell him what you know.