Help dealing with the past

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Help dealing with the past
1
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 7:18pm
I’m moving on and need some help dealing with my past.

My A was the second time around for my MM and me. We had been together for six years, broken up for a year then I allowed it to start up again. During the year away from my MM, I was dating a very nice, sweet man. I broke up with Mr. Sweetie and broke his heart after a few rendezvous with my MM. What a fool I was.

In March I ended it w/ MM – AGAIN! After a week or so of him calling me, emailing me, sending text messages, we’ve maintained NC since March 25. WHEW! What a relief to be rid of a man who lied to everyone around him, even those he “loved the most”, his two college-age kids.

I’ve started to see Mr. Sweetie again and it’s been great. We started over, getting to know each other again. He never knew about my six-year affair. Should I tell him? Maybe if it gets more serious? I’ve told a few fibs to cover up things MM and I did over the years; places we visited, concerts, etc. I don’t want to hide the truth from him but I hate to damage a new relationship by spilling this unpleasant secret about myself. What do you think?

Reading these posts has helped me immensely to stay on track and to know I did the right thing to end my affair. I’m so much happier in my soul. Thank you all so much!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 8:34am
wow, lily! Lucky you---that you have "mr. sweetie"!!! and you are single to pursue a relationship!!! (and not mired in a bad marriage like some of us!) But that does not make it easier. Try to focus just on how sweet this relationship is...how much better it is...and eventuallly MM will become a smudge in your history.

I'm not sure what I would do about telling your bf about your affair. For some guys it may turn them off and make them view you differently. However, I'm a big advocate for honesty in a relationship (now THERE'S a laugh, huh?) and if you can't be honest with him about everything, then what do you have???? But you know him best. I don't find it to be necessary to tell someone EVERYTHING....but there is no reason to keep secrets also. I don't know.....its a tough call.

Good luck with everything!!

big hugs

dharma