HELP!!! He broke the NC!! What do I do??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
HELP!!! He broke the NC!! What do I do??
2
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 3:21pm

It's been 4 days, NC (phone/email)...we haven't seen each other in 3 weeks (my choice)
This morning he sends this,long email, wants to send a longer one telling me "how he feels, what is going through his head" This is part of it:

"Sorry to break my promise to avoid communicating with you, but I have to say (because my skin is crawling right now), that this "no communication" thing SUCKS. It blows. It bites. It stinks. It's lousy.

Seriously, I've never been a man of "few words", so you can imagine how many words I've thought of since last week. These words form questions I want to ask, they form statements I wish to make, and especially, they form re-assurances I want to give, not because I have to, but because I want to show my soulmate that I still care, very deeply, and I want and continue to need her guidance and wisdom."

I responded with only this:

xMM: I want to show my soulmate that I still care

Hope: Show me, baby.

That's it, because if I am not mistaken he is saying his skin is crawling because he can't re-assure me how much he "loves" me AND I am not giving him the guidance and wisdom (emotional affair) HE WANTS. After all, IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM and what he needs.

I did respond with "show me, baby", to say ONLY ACTION (filing for a divorce) is what will keep me "waiting". He is still in his own apt., not in W's house, no plans to move back in..but you saw from last letter he is thinking reconcilation attempt will take place, unsure of his "desire" for his W. So I am supposed to wait here to see if he can make-love to his W or not, and if he fails I get to keep him!!!

Am I being to harsh here?? OR Should I have not responded with anything, I do feel guilty I broke the NC, but I felt I needed to tell him ACTIONS not WORDS are the ONLY thing I will accept.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 8:40pm

Hope

Stick your heart out girl and your going to keep getting hit in the heart over and over.

You know that you should have not responded thats were the NO CONTACT part comes in.

Your response was at the best UNCLEAR there is little likely hood that he got your point REMEMBER ONE THING MEN SUCK A HINTS they always have, more then likely he has seen your wusy response as caveing in to some degree.

You should have this person BLOCKED from sending you e-mail by this point in my opinion.

IF you have future contact it should clearly be spelled out in no uncertain terms that he is never to contact you again except when he can put signed and sealed DIVORCE PAPERS in your hand and has clearly ENDED HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS WIFE.

Hope men do not respect weak women, show him some back bone, demand RESPECT by him takeing the actions required by you and you alone.

JMHO

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 10:34pm

He broke NC, you responded tersely. Chalk up one for you.


I think that telling him "show me" was an appropriate response. I also think MM's emotional addiction to you needs to go through a cold-turkey withdrawl. He's known for a long time what he needs to do to have a relationship wither with his wife or you: give up the crutch of sitting on a fence.


I suggest you block his emails for ay least a month and go out with other friends.


You're single and available. He's a MM on a string. Not an even arrangement.


Move on,


cl-nre