Help!!! He called

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Help!!! He called
4
Fri, 04-22-2005 - 11:50am
OM called again. I knew that he would call and thank me and try to remain friends. It was very arkward, we made small talk, nothing personal. The call only lasted less than 10 minutes, I had a doctor's appointment to get to. Now I keep wondering what he would have said if we had talked longer? Did he call because he thought he should? Did he call to make sure I was doing OK out of guilt? Did he call because he wanted to talk to me? What is he thinking? I am pretty sure he won't call again. Do you know how hard it is not to call him back? I wanted so much to talk to him, but didn't know what to say. I have to pretend so much every day, I shouldn't have to pretend with him too. Telling him how I feel right now and what a mess I am wasn't going to help, I would like to hold on to a little pride.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Fri, 04-22-2005 - 1:02pm

hi d,

he called to make sure that u are still thinking of him , its his way of reeling u in, im sorry but he is not helping u, lke most of the folks say here, if u have contact , u will still have him in your mind and maybe your heart

him calling u is not helping u at all or in most of our case, us calling the other person will not do us any good but yet we still call, i am guilty of it myself

i call and OW answer and hangs up on me, why do i want to call, i dont know, its stupid

im sorry if i sound harsh but its the truth, u dont need to tell him how u feel anymore, u need to feel better and by him calling and keeping u within striking distance , he is not a friend if he keeps doing that, yeah, small talk and big talk have the same effect on us, u said it yourself, after u talked to him u have all this thoughts in your mind

ahhhhh, im so frustrated
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Fri, 04-22-2005 - 3:30pm
Thank you for your reply and your honesty. If I have contact I will have him in my mind and my heart? He's always there anyway. But I do know what you are saying. It was a rough day, but I didn't call. I knew he was home from work today and I was here alone too. I always call him when I want to feel better, but I knew that there was nothing he could say that was going to make this any better. What would we talk about, except to rehash everything we have already been over? It was a no-win situation though, because if he didn't call I would have just been upset that he didn't care about me at all or what happened to me. Sounds crazy doesn't it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Fri, 04-22-2005 - 5:51pm

hey depress,

it is crazy, but its normal for people who are going thru all these emotions, its not the end of the world, it seems like it now but it will get better

take care, go out for a walk if u can

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
Sat, 04-23-2005 - 8:50am

Good morning Depressed I hope you are seeing things better today in the light of a new day - I know I am. I really appreciated your response to my last post. It sounds like we are both experienceing similar "withdrawal" symptoms. My OM has been my "best friend" also for many, many years.

I am accepting more and more that Ending an affair is the same as recovering from an
addiction. The most important step (as hard as it is) is to go cold turkey and in our case AVOID ALL CONTACT. Don't get me wrong....I LOVED hearing from my OM (and probably you did too) but it got so many feelings rekindled within me. I kept wanting to respond by reaching out to him and saying that we couldn't end it quite yet - that we didn't have proper closure i.e) "Let's get together and shed some of the tears that are stuck inside us and make love one LAST time." Damn it - I know that we never should have had sex that one FIRST time! This proved to me that ANY contact right now is so very dangerous - the level of our attraction(addiction)can so easily lead us back down that nasty, slippery slope of our long-term (7 years!-OUCH!!) affair. (We were casual friends and co-workers for 8 years prior so I guess you can say its been a 15 year relationship-OUCH again!)

It is incredibly difficult mourning a loss without being able to cry or talk to someone about it. It seems so natural to want to reach out to our OM as we have allowed him to become our emotional safety net for so long. BUT Depressed I think we are stronger than that now....we CAN get through this...we are not alone. I for one plan to reach out more to all of the wonderful people on this Board (and I hope you will continue to do so too) Let us be your replacement safety net for awhile.

Sending you much STRENGTH and (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

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