Help!!!!! He showed up!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Help!!!!! He showed up!!!!!
27
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 5:58pm

I can't believe I am even typing this but here goes nothing.


 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 6:34pm

Get a restraining order now.


Do not wait another second.


Stalking behavior is the highest risk factor for homicide when ending a relationship: particularly one that has been marked by aggressive, controlling behavior.


Be safe,


J.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 9:28pm

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 9:42pm

Hello,

I am not sure how it works where you are. But I have worked with abused women for 12 years, both as a clinical case manager and as a residential counselor in shelter. He will be notified (most likely) and if he breaks this, there are serious consequences. You ultimately have to do what you know is best to protect you and your family. I have seen so many women hurt by ex-partners ... things most ALWAYS escalate when the abusive x-partner loses control of the situation and the finality hits home. There are boards within ivilliage regarding these situations. I would hate to talk you into a decision you weren't comfortable with - but in cases where there are safety concerns, denial is your worst enemy and your biggest risk. Try and see yourself from a different perspective, from an outsider looking in ... not someone who cared about this man, but someone who puts your NEEDS front and center. Protecting him is not in your best interest: it never was.

My best to you and what I would suggest is calling your closest Domestic Violence Helpline and share your story with them for advice. It is confidential and it is free. A person need not ever touch you to exert fear into your world. Time to take some action.

Please keep us posted.

J.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 10:36pm

Oh brother.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 11:49pm

Thanks Jodi and Clarity.


I am scared that if he has to be notified about it that he will go off. I mean what if that is what finally sets him off and he does hurt someone. I don't know how I would live

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 11:56pm

hon, you need to listen to Jodi and the others here.

since you aren't clear headed and you're too close to the situation and you can put yourself in denial again and again...don't listen to yourself this time. Listen to the women on here and listen to the authorities when you tell them your story.

finally...if you have a daughter or a niece or someone like that you love very much then for a moment, think of them in this same situation. You would be telling her to get a restraining order immediately.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 9:36am

Kristinintexas,


He sounds a bit nuts with his "ownership" of you.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 10:32am

Energy asked, "What does your husband say you should do?

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 11:31am

Wow.

NC since October 2, 2009.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 6:27pm

I could call his wife and tell her but I honestly don't think it would make any difference. It never seems to have made a difference in the past. He has told her that either she can live with it or she can't in front of me before. She has asked me to stay away

 

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