Help!!!!! He showed up!!!!!
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Help!!!!! He showed up!!!!!
| Thu, 02-04-2010 - 5:58pm |
I can't believe I am even typing this but here goes nothing.
| Thu, 02-04-2010 - 5:58pm |
I can't believe I am even typing this but here goes nothing.
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I can't urge you enough to contact your local domestic violence helpline. Please.
They will talk to you about talking to your children, making a safety plan for you and the kids, how to talk to their school etc ... And remember, you are not responsible for what he chooses to do from here on in. You may be holding on to shame, embarrassment and denial because of your part in the affair, but time to shake that off, take responsibility for what you know now to be a dangerous situation and make some hard choices. Lots of us end A's or have had our A's ended for us --- we do not start making threats and stalk our xAPs ... that is on a totally different level. Ok - this isn't to say that some of us haven't driven past the house, and freaked out --- that's not what I am talking about, there is a clear and present danger here to you and your family!
No one asks to be scared, threatened, harassed --- this is not some love sick man who just can't let go --- he is an obsessive and controlling, horrifically emotionally abusive man ... I can't believe the total disregard he shows his partner, and the un-real level of dis-respect he shows toward you and your family.
Even for tonight, you might want to talk to a trusted neighbor and tell them to call the police if they see his car pull-up. Ensure you have written everything down. It can help to get a calendar out to trigger dates and times that you may have forgotten.
j.
I agree with Jodi wholeheartedly that you need to do all you can to protect yourself and your children and I hope you'll follow her advice. Also, I just received the following in my inbox this morning and even though it might seem silly on the surface, it could be just the thing to stop any potential assault. Here it is:
Neighborhood Watch
Here is an idea passed along by one of our Area Coordinators that you may
find of interest
Neighbors Helping neighbors
Protection for you and your home If you don't have a gun, here's a more
humane way to wreck someone's evil plans for you.
Did you know this? I didn't. I never really thought of it before.
I guess I can get rid of the baseball bat.
Wasp Spray
A friend who is a receptionist in a church in a high risk area was
concerned about someone coming into the office on Monday to rob them when
they were counting the collection. She asked the local police department
about using pepper spray and they recommended to her that she get a can of
wasp spray instead.
The wasp spray, they told her, can shoot up to twenty feet away and is a
lot more accurate, while with the pepper spray, they have to get too close
to you and could overpower you. The wasp spray temporarily blinds an
attacker until they get to the hospital for an antidote. She keeps a can
on her desk in the office and it doesn't attract attention from people like
a can of pepper spray would. She also keeps one nearby at home for home
protection... Thought this was interesting and might be of use.
FROM ANOTHER SOURCE On the heels of a break in and beating that left an
elderly woman in Toledo dead, self defense experts have a tip that could
save your life.
Val Glinka teaches self-defense to students at Sylvania Southview High
School. For decades, he's suggested putting a can of wasp and hornet spray
near your door or bed.
Glinka says, "This is better than anything I can teach them."
Glinka considers it inexpensive, easy to find, and more effective than mace
or pepper spray. The cans typically shoot 20 to 30 feet; so if someone
tries to break into your home, Glinka says, "spray the culprit in the
eyes". It's a tip he's given to students for decades. It's also one he
wants everyone to hear. If you're looking for protection, Glinka says look
to the spray.
"That's going to give you a chance to call the police; maybe get out."
Maybe even save a life.
Please share this with all the people in your life.
90% of self defense is preparation and awareness. Everyone should take note that our sense of security is, for the most part, an illusion and a false sense of invulnerability. Please, all of you, consider reading a few good self-defense books, such as Gavin de Becker's Gift of Fear - or one many other great books. also, take a self defense class.
And since the subject of gun ownership was brought up, even though as a incidental, I would like to say that gun ownership is a huge responsibility and should NEVER be taken lightly. I suggest that anyone who owns a gun or is considering it should read A LOT of pro and con information, take a gun shooting/preparation class (they offer them specifically geared towards women, btw) and be aware that gun ownership requires a very dedicated and diligent attitude to which most cannot commit. I shoot trap and skeet as a sport and I do NOT have gun in my home for self defense; it is a very personal decision and I won't go into detail about it here.
Regarding pepper spray and, as mentioned in the previous post, wasp spray, please also consider this option very seriously. Being able to hit your target accurately at any distance is difficult and owning spray as form of self defense can be, for lack of a better word, iffy. One should not think that owning a spray, or a gun for that matter, without other precautions and preparations (ref: self-defense books and classes) is foolhardy.
My heart aches for anyone who lives in fear, and also for those who do not have a healthy respect for just how fragile and important it is to safeguard oneself from threat and who live in that false bubble of invulnerability.
KinT - my thoughts and prayers are with you, Texas Sister. I hope you'll have peace of mind very soon and I know you have the strength to achieve it.
Love,
Dee
Hey Kristin,
Wow, I just read your message. What if you buy yourself
a big barking dog? That could help too.
hugs!
Htgo
Hi Kristin,
That had to be very scary to have him show up on your doorstep at 3 am.
I agree with the advice of filing a RO. Although laws vary from state to state, what happened to you would be enough to file in most states.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
I hope your husband steps up to the plate to help you out with this situation.
He showed up today with his daughter at around
Kristen,
<>
I was very happy to read this. Many years ago when my children were young and I was solely responsible for them, I had an x-boyfriend that would pound on my door in the middle of the night drunk and disorderly. By the time the cops arrived, he had run off. I did what you are planning to do. I moved without telling anyone where I was going and he never found out where I had gone. I heard through the grapevine that he finally went into rehab and turned his life around but still, he was finally out of my life.
Some may think that you are running away, but I think you are running to an new life, with a new beginning. We do what we have to do to protect ourselves and our loved ones. I wish you peace and happiness, and commend you for coming up with a solution. Finding a therapist will also help you tremendously once you are settled in your new environment. I am sure you never want to go through this again, and therapy will give you the insight and coping skills to handle future stresses and how to avoid toxic people.
Love and hugs,
~Iddy~
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