Help - I broke NC!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Help - I broke NC!!
5
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 4:41pm

I AM SO STUPID!!! One little moment of weakness - one little thought in my head! I had NC for a whole week and broke it for nothing!!! Today is XOM's b-day. I SWORE to myself that no matter what, I wouldn't call...then I did.

We didn't talk long. I said Happy B-day and he said, "Oh, you remembered?" DUH!

We talked for a few minutes - about our plans for the weekend. He's going to CA to see some friends and I'm going out with some friends. He asked what was new and I told him about my upcoming show. He said he would like to come see it. I wanted to scream at him, "WHY??? WHY DO YOU WANT TO COME SEE A SHOW THAT I AM IN?" But instead I told him I didn't think it was a good idea. I told him I had friends and family that would be there - he said that's was ok, because they didn't know him.

Then I asked him if he got that new job he applied for - he said yes. Part of me was sad and part of me was relieved. He will no longer be working just a few miles down the road from me. Those temptations to get together for lunch or coffee will no longer be a possibility.

UGH - I feel so stupid for breaking NC. I started to feel like I was really making progress. Now I'm back to square one!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 4:47pm

That's OK Diva! Just start over agian with NC. At least you're mad at yourself for doing it. You should be proud of yourself for telling him not to come to the show. You had a strong conversation - now time to move on and forget about it. he won't have another birthday for one year, and by then you will be fine :-)

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 1:16pm
I have had no contact for only 4 days and would break it today if I were able. I am so desperate to speak to OM but we can never talk on weekends (part of the bigger picture problems). Anyway, tomorrow (Monday) will be my challenge. I know that right now I am planning to call him. Please tell me why this is a bad thing.

He says he loves me and wants the time to try and figure out his current life so that someday we can be together. I know I'm being a fool but feels so low and depressed.

Help please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 8:24am
hi there Island girl--

Think about what the results would be of talking to him. Someone posted a good list of the possibilities; I am sorry that I can't remember who it was (I am always in awe of those of who who can remember all the details of other people's posts--it takes me forever to go back and find all that stuff :-) -- but I will try to reproduce it. All you guys should add to this list--I am sure I will forget something.

Outcome 1 -- You talk, rekindle your romance and end up having sex. Not the outcome it sounds like you want.

Outcome 2 -- You talk on the phone and he is rude to you and you feel terrible about it. You end up not talking about anything on "your list" (admit it -- we all have that list of unanswered questions!)

Outcome 3 -- You have a nice conversation with him, but will anything ever get settled? You will hang up the phone and miss him a lot. What will you gain by having that conversation?

Outcome 4 -- You call, leave a message and then wish you hadn't. Or you don't leave a message, but if he has caller ID, he knows you called.

Island--you can be stronger than all this. I am struggling with all these same things right now; sometimes I wish my XMM would be a little ruder -- it would make it easier for me to think he's a jerk and better maintian NC.

I send you my best wishes for strength and peace!

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 8:51am
Oh Meg,

How right you are! I wish that my rational mind could overcome my emotions. You know, I think the fact that we "ended" this with the notion of reconnecting in the New Year is turning out to be a bad thing. We have both stated that we want to end our current relationships with the goal of being together one day. I thought that would carry me through and be a big help. It's turning out to be nothing but (false) hope. And we all know that hope dies hard.

I am staring at that phone right now and thinking "Call, call, call". I feel so pathetic.

How are you doing it? You sound so calm? How long has it been?

Thanks,

IG

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 12:03pm
(((((((Hugs))))))). Don't beat yourself up about it. Look at it as a learning experience and move forward. I mean, was it really that wonderful to speak with him? Try not to make more out of it than it was. And it's helpful that he'll be working alittle further away. Hang in there. You're not really back to square one, you've just got another day without contacting XMM. Hang in there! And I echo Meg's advice: thankfully, he doesn't have another birthday for a whole year!!! Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10