HELP!!!! I have hit my bottom
Find a Conversation
HELP!!!! I have hit my bottom
| Thu, 10-21-2004 - 4:34pm |
I am in such a depression I can't even get up to go to work! I miss being able to have someone to talk to at the drop of a hat. Every song on the radio reminds me of him. I have stopped listening. I don't want to eat, I just want to sleep. Its been almost 4 months and now I feel like a freight train hit me with guilt.....
Thanks for listening.
SOUL
Thanks for listening.
SOUL

Soul
Have you seen your Dr, maybe you need anti-Ds to help you make it through this at least for a while.
Take care of yourself I am sure there are people in your life that are worried about you.
Peace
Free
Posie where are you with that NC stick and the slap of reality I need?
Soul
Sorry to say Mrs P has retired he no contact stick, but when she sees this your going to get that reality check.
Right now you sound like your going through a nice brutal round of withdrawl, hurts like hell but it will pass, breaking NO CONTACT will only assure you will visit this place again and again, sounds like fun ah NOT.
You husband whatever he may be like as a person did not do this to you and has no idea what is going on so chewing his butt out would not be justified and would only help very briefly, trust me I tried it also ripped the sh@t out of a good friend didn't help but for the 10 or 15 minutes I was distracted by doing it.
The right combination of Anti-Ds hold more hope.
The truth is if you don't screw up your going to get over this.
Peace
Free
I also came to the conclusion that I'm going to change my name soon.
Take care and THANK YOU AGAIN!
soul
Hiya Soul,
I gave up the NC stick, hon, I remembered that the only person I can control is myself.
I can tell you that you know what lays behind you and you know what's likely to happen if you go that route again. Thing is, Soul, you and ONLY you can decide what you want.
To borrow from my fave Anais Nin quote, You can remain in the bud for the rest of your life if you really want to do so. What a waste to the world if even one precious flower fails to bloom, though, eh?
Marking time doesn't seem to be working very well for you. What would you like to do about it? After all, it is very much your own choice, Soul...
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Your so right posie. Thank you for your kind words. I would rather eat soap than go down that road again. I just realized the pain is still fresh and healing takes time. I'm sure glad I didn't need the stick because I have been through enough pain for two life times. Maybe my Dr's visit tomorrow will help me get over this mountain and move on. Thank's again Soul
Question? How did you move on and start your healing process so soon?
Hiya Soul,
<<>>
I'm not sure I'd call it "so soon," but it's a pretty relative phrase. I ended my EMA in January this year. I booked my first individual counselling session the morning after I spent all night staring at a stanley knife (builder's blade) considering whether or not I wanted to continue living. The answer to that was Yes I most certainly did want to stick around but this wasn't working for me and most importantly I was not about to abandon my then one year old daughter.
In May I had a major backslide. Major. Big league. I still hoped exOM would come through for me. When he gave me the chance, I leapt at it. Somehow, I needed to know what the last chapter held, did anyone live happily ever after, etc. I was very much aware that no matter how it panned out, this *was* the very last chapter.
The difference was that my love goggles had slipped from the period from January to May and I was able to see that I clearly didn't know this man. Hell, I didn't even like him very much. Who was this guy?! Where'd they stash the pod they'd used to replicate his body & face perfectly but had managed to leave out the person I'd loved?!
I'd turned down the opportunity to live with him in January because I was repulsed at how he'd treated his DP and I turned it down (and finally meant it) in May. Funny how we don't really "see" how poorly they treat their partners since it suits us & enables us to have our own needs met, isn't it?
Anyway, I was done then in May.
I continued with the individual counselling and gained a whole bunch of self-knowledge and more importantly self-awareness. I know exactly why I made the poor choices I made. I understand the void, I've unlocked it and begun filling it myself since I am the only person on the face of the planet who can undertake that task.
There is no secret, hon. There's no quick-fix (and affairs are all about quick-fixes & instant gratification). It's just been simply learning why I've made the choices I've made and understanding myself. It's a tough path to take but has been so very rewarding that I'd recommend it to anyone.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie