Help!!! I need an intervention

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2009
Help!!! I need an intervention
4
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 5:14pm
I am in the midst of a crisis. I am wanting to see my xAP so bad. I am craving him. I want him to touch me, to hold me, to kiss me. I want to hear his voice and taste his lips. I am craving him so bad!!! He is my crack
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 6:13pm

Let’s see you want a fix of the A drug. The feel-good high!


So you broke NC to facebook him. Where did that get you? You got a quick contact fix and now you want more.


You want him to touch you = you want to put yourself out there to be used by xAP for his benefit because once you leave you will only feel like he used you…and you him for a brief fix. Oh that sounds so beautiful and romantic.


You want to taste him = you want to taste the poison that once in your mouth begins to inflect your body…later to cause you unbearable pain. To twist you in knots leaving you wishing you wouldn’t have accepted the poison in your body. Hmmmm doesn’t quite compare to chocolate now does it?


You want to hear his voice = you want to believe the lies he tells you.


He makes you feel so secure? Really you go like a lamb to the slaughter and you feel secure. I don’t think I would use the word secure to describe such things.


The emptiness you later feel is secure? I think maybe we have different definitions of secure.


You need to have a plan in place as to what to do when you start feeling anxious. If you don’t, you are setting yourself up for failure. It is difficult to think clearly when you are in such a state. Leaving it up to yourself to make decisions when you are feeling this way, is dangerous. The anxiety will pass. You must do NOTHING!!!!


You can post here. Yell at me with your words. Tell me what I “B” I am for telling you all this. Type it out for as long as you need to. I would rather you do any of that instead of contacting xAP. That will lead to destructive behavior.


If I can distract you long enough, for you to type a reply then there is hope that you can distract yourself the next minute and the next minute after that until you ride out your anxiety. How long before your H comes home?


Big hugs,


E1


Whether you think you can or you think you cant you are probably right.


A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 6:31pm
BRAVO!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2009
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 7:02pm
Ok I will choose to vent! I am angry!!!!!! Everything you said is true. I want him and I can't have him. I am feeling like a spoiled child who can't get her way. I dont like chasing after him. It makes me feel pathetic. My H is such a good man and I should feel so appreciative. But I guess I want to have my cake and eat it too. My xAP is nothing but bad news for me and any fix he provides is muttled with the hurt and sadness I feel when its over. Im making progress, I truly am. I just have moments like these when I feel weak and vulnerable. Its been
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 7:48pm

I like where you are going with your post. It is more about both sides of things and not just all the feel goods.


That shows more balanced thinking. You are still missing him and that is very normal even beyond 4 days NC.


<< I am feeling like a spoiled child who can't get her way.>> Yes I think many of us acted like spoiled children in our A. It is a selfish mindset and it takes time to break out of it. Recognizing it is a start.


Later, when the anxiety goes away, it will be time to replace those thoughts with new thoughts. Something along the lines of, “I am a mature adult and I will go after productive goals and find positive ways to achieve them.”


It would be a good time to read “Affirmations” in the Healing Library. I think you will have to click more to go to page two of the Healing Library as I do not see it in the recent posts.


So much of the A is a mindset. We need to replace the way we thought about and processed things with more positive and productive views.


<> I believe you are making progress.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.