Help! I need some advice too!!!!!!!!!

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Help! I need some advice too!!!!!!!!!
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 7:11pm
I have been having an affair with a college guy. We met on the internet a month ago. I have been married for almost 7 years. I have a 3 year old son. I have been so unhappy for a long time. My husband works 2 jobs. I also work full time. I met this guy and sparks flew. I have made every excuse imaginable to be with this guy. I even slept with him. I am 29 and the guy is 22. He thinks I am divorced. I lied to this guy about what i do for a living just so he won't call me or show up at my place of work. He has no clue to where I live, but has my cell-phone number. I really like this guy. He is so sweet and kind. But he is inlove with someone he thinks is single. How do I break the news to him? I don't want to end the affair, but i want to keep it as discreet as possible. The other problem is that my mom is suspicious of me so I had to come out and tell her what i did. I told her to come to my house and pick up my mail this week because of the cell-phone bill just so my husband does not see it. I don't want a divorce. I had the affair because i felt lonely and unhappy. My husband and I don't do or go anywhere. He's either too tired or don't feel like it. So that is another reason why I had the affair. The guy I'm having an affair with calls me all the time and i even when to his apartment only 1 day a week. If I end the affair, I will feel lonely again and miserable,depressed,hurt inside that i don't know if i can go on with my life. I really am so crazy about this guy. How can I end this affair?????? I am so confused that I can hardly eat or sleep and it's affecting my moods because all I think about is the guy I'm having an affair with. I need some desperate advice. Please????? Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 9:13am
Just my opinion, but I think you need to be honest with this guy and then end it. It sounds like you really don't know what you want and you need to take some time to figure out what's going on in your life, why you're not happy, and what you can do about it. I can't believe that your mom would participate in your deception, you're not only compromising your own integrity, but hers as well. To me, it sounds like you're really playing with fire here and it's only a matter of time until it blows up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 11:19am
I know what you're going through. I'm in almost the same situation. Except my OM knew I was married, I told him I was getting divorced. Basically, what you have with this guy is built on lies. Doesn't he wonder why he has to call your cell phone? Do you think he has any idea? Does he know that you have a son? Where does he think you live? I'm asking only because I want to know if he suspects that you might be married. I'm sure this guy pays attention to you and makes you feel good. It's like falling in love again, and nothing else matters. But in reality, it's a fantasy! You have a husband and a child that you have to make decisions about first. I know it's hard to do, giving up the affair. But you don't want to get caught. The guy might start getting suspicious in the long run, and try to do investigating himself. Have you tried marriage counseling? Will your husband go? What does your mom think of this situation? My family knew about mine, but told me to stop. We all make mistakes, but there is still a chance for you to fix this one. I think you should tell the guy that you need your space right now, and you should take the time to think your whole situation out. Good Luck!!