HELP = I really want to call him

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
HELP = I really want to call him
3
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 3:03pm
I hate this. I have this incredible urge to pick up the phone and call him today. I laid awake all morning and almost convinced myself that it would be okay. I know we can't be together ever again but why can't I call. I know what you are thinking - I will get sucked back in or it will stir up feelings for him again. I already think about him everyday and I know I can't get sucked back in bc his wife is pregnant so we have no future. The only thing I worry about is that he will be rude to me or not want to talk to me. The last time I called- three days after we knew it was over and he said he was thinking about me all weekend - he didn't want to talk to me and asked what I wanted to talk to him about and said he would call me back. Never did. I feel he was just upset and it was way too soon to just talk normal to each other so he reverted back to being an a@@hole. If anyone doesn't know by now - I told him we needed to stop doing this and I wanted another baby with my h. I called after I told him that though so it doesn't really look valid.

Why do we have to live in a society that we can't just pick up the phone and say hello without looking way to into it. One of my friends asked if I wanted him to know I was still thinking about him after 7 weeks. Should it matter - we had a serious relationship for 9 months. It would be different if it was a one night stand but it wasn't. I have always run into my ex's and we say hello or eventually we talk on the phone to see how each other are doing. How can I except the fact I will never see or hear from this man again. Its like it never happened. Thats such BS.

I know I need to move past this and I have moved on with my H. We are trying to get pregnant and I am happy with him. I just wanted to see how things were going with him. He and his wife had an unexpected pregnancy. They were not happy with it and really stressed about it when I talked to his wife a couple of weeks ago.

I know contacting does no good. I will not allow myself to be sucked back in. I am just wanting to see how he is doing. I worry that he will not want to talk to me and I will feel rejected all over again. Please make me strong again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 3:16pm
I think the reason he was acting like a jerk the last time you spoke on the phone was because you keep playing this game with him, and he is sick of it. You say you want it to end, and then you call him.

You have been doing so well with the NC. Don't stop now. I know you are still feeling rejected. What good does setting yourself up for further rejection do? Perhaps you are hoping that this time, he'll accept you. So what? So you can be the one doing the rejecting?? As cl-NRE said in a post earlier today, "Trying to find some way to remain connected while ending an affair is an oxymoron. EIther the affair is over or the affair shifts into another form of continued contact, thereby perpetuating the lies and pains."

Listen to him, he is a WISE man!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 4:43pm
Mere -

What is your motivation for wanting to talk to XMM? Seriously. I use to think I wanted to talk to my xOM because, "I just wanted to say hi." or "I just wanted to se how he was doing." or "I just wanted to wish him a happy birthday." I know now that what I was really doing was calling to see if there were still 'feelings' there. I wanted to know that he missed me as much as I missed him.

Think about how much worse you will feel if he IS a jerk to you again. You've done SO WELL with NC - the longest I made it was 9 days! You are a huge inspiration!

Trust me - I spoke with my XOM yesterday and it only made me feel awful. We broke up 3 months ago (yesterday) and I just now have been starting to feel normal again.

I read an article on "Understanding Men" the other day. It said that if a man doesn't call you within 60 days of ending a relationship, then you should move on. You are trying to bring a child into this world with your H. Focus on the joy of that - not the sorrow of the A.

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 5:42pm
Mere,

As I mentioned on one of your previous posts, our stories are so much alike! I miss my xMM so much some days that I will actually pick up the phone and start to dial his number. I would love to know how he’s doing. And yes, I want to know if he misses me half as much as I miss him. I can imagine the whole conversation in my head. I just cannot take the rejection and the goodbyes anymore.

But even if we were to be friends, I would never be satisfied. I love this man. I wanted to have a life with him. I can’t be satisfied as his friend, hearing about him and his happy little family. It would eat me alive, more than it already does.

Maybe you could have a few harmless conversations. Maybe you could start being friends. Or maybe all the old feelings come rushing back and you’ll fall right back into a relationship, but this time you get caught. Is it worth the risk to even think about?

If you made it this far without calling him, you can make it through one more day. If you can make it through one more day, you can make it through the end of this week. The weekends are always a little easier because you have the family to keep you busy. The next thing you know, it’s Monday and you’re stronger.

Frankly it doesn’t matter if he wanted the fourth or not, he’s having one. He’ll be happy when he/she arrives. And you’ll be so happy when your next little one arrives!

Keep focused on that, the future little ones! You’ll get stronger every day.