HELP.. im LC..and barely coping
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HELP.. im LC..and barely coping
| Mon, 01-04-2010 - 10:40am |
Well i decided to come and post on here before doing something silly like talking to xAP..we're here at work after NC over the holidays..i ended it just before the holidays..my 4th try..today is very rough. he's not talking to me and acting mad and sad. how do i deal with this..i'm hurting so much inside as it is, without needing to feel HIS pain..HELP..
Sunshine
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It's all part of the aftermath, Waiting. You will both be grieving for a while so try to do your best not to take on his woes along with yours. My Xmm and I went through about 4 months of silent grieving because 1) Of course we were sad it was over and 2) talking about it would defeat the purpose of LC. There is nothing left to talk about. If you didn't have to see him, you would be grieving silently at home, so try to put this pain into perspective. It comes with the territory.
Hang in there. Do whatever you can to keep busy, take breaks if you can, go out for lunch with another coworker or by yourself, and try not to look at him. I KNOW
~Iddy~
Thanks Iddy..indeed this is the worst part of it all..the LC at work..and him appearing upset.
Even tho he is upset now, is it fair for me to expect that eventually, (SOON) he will agree with me that it had to end? Is it reasonable
Sunshine
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Hey Sunshine!
I'm just going to point out that your posts are screaming that you care more about him and his feelings than you do your
Hi Energy - i'm practically glued to EAS today...it helps.
Yes you're right. I do care more about his feelings right now. In fact that's what's making me the most miserable - making him miserable when really all i want is to make things BETTER for everyone. I'm a real idiot i know. I just hate walking out on someone that i've said i love you to a thousand times (even if it's "non realistic, affair i love you's". But, im a realist and know that it has to stop. I've known for a while.
Thanks for your thoughts and support.
Sunshine
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Sunshine
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Sunshine,
Reading your post brings back some memories for me.
Waiting~
You've been given some excellent advice. It really is ALL ABOUT YOU now, honey. You have your own stuff to sort out and work on. HIS stuff is just that....HIS!
You are doing the absolute best thing a person can do and that's ENDING a situation that could hurt even more people than just the two of you. I am very proud of you for coming to terms with how important this is and have decided to take action. Sure, you are going to feel out of sorts for a while until your new routines kick in, but it *will* get better. For now, take it one day at a time. Be prepared for his moods to swing like a pendulum; from mopey one day to indifferent the next, but trust me, men get over these things far quicker than women do. You, OTOH, have your own issues to deal with so make them your top priority, okay??
((Hugs))
~ Iddy~
~Iddy~
Sunshine -
Just wanted to reach out and let you know I'm thinking of you. I don't have experience with LC, but I can only imagine how difficult it must be.
This is exactly what i need to hear..over and over again.
You are doing the absolute best thing a person can do and that's ENDING a situation that could hurt even more people than just the two of you. I am very proud of you for coming to terms with how important this is and have decided to take action.
The only thing that is helping me right now..to know that what i am doing is right even if it doesn't feel good..thank you.
Sunshine
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Sunshine
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Thanks Gal..
I think he's pouting because he's sad and yes he wants me to go over there and say that all is well and sure we can continue with the A. I've asked him many times "what do you want"?? and he always says - "i want YOU". But of course he means ME in an A, not me in a RLR. Otherwise he would've said - i want you in a RLR.
And you know what the worst thing of all is? That he says "you don't like me anymore!" yeah, like THAT is the reason why i'm ending the A. because i don't like him. Gosh. that drives me crazy. That a 45 yr old man this type of thinking.
Sunshine
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Sunshine
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Waiting...I finally was able to find your original posts, and now I realize you and I were the ones going thru our first pains of NC together last week before Xmas! How could I forget you!?!? We had two very similiar posts going.... something about "Its over adn its killing me" and I had "Its done and I'm a disaster!"
If you recall, I was telling you that you speak the voice of my Xap (wanting to end the A for the good of us, and everyone around us...). I wanted to keep it going...I likely would have went on forever doing what we were doing! There is always going to be a "push" and
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