HELP.. im LC..and barely coping

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
HELP.. im LC..and barely coping
38
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 10:40am
Well i decided to come and post on here before doing something silly like talking to xAP..we're here at work after NC over the holidays..i ended it just before the holidays..my 4th try..today is very rough. he's not talking to me and acting mad and sad. how do i deal with this..i'm hurting so much inside as it is, without needing to feel HIS pain..HELP..

Sunshine


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Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 12:50pm

thank you so much for responding. And yes your words and thinking does sound like my xAP. He wants this to continue forever (the A). He says he never wants to lose me and wants me forever.


I feel rejected, I feel like he's moved onto someone else (different AP), I feel like he may have seen me not looking my best one day and decided I wasn't worth it anymore....


This too sounds like my xAP. this is exactly what he told me he is feeling. That i no longer like him. In reality, that's not true at all and it is so much more complicated than that, my reasons for ending. I wish he would see them. Soemtimes he says he does see them but he doesn't care and wants to continue because he "loveS" me. It doesn't bother him that we are hiding, or even if it does, he's willing to keep doing it because he "loves every minute with me" and will take even short times together over nothing. How can i get him to understand..i can't.


No chance right now for me to take a vacation as i am doing a sort of promotion here at work, which ends in March. I may take some time off then.

Sunshine


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Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 1:34pm

I was the married one in my A, he was single, and I can honestly say that I probably could've kept up the A for a very, very, very long time. I'd ended things in the past, but the last go around, I sort of resigned myself to this being my life and yeah, I was definitely a cake eater.

NC since October 2, 2009.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 1:44pm

Thanks, Gal..


the difference here is that the bakery IS very much open for me to enjoy my cake for as long as i want to, but i made the decision to bypass the bakery..


We are both cake eaters. Only i like to eat the cake, but i like it to have some meaning, too, and i'd like him to show me that he wants more than that. And he isn't. He's saying it, but he ain't showing it. Therefore i'll have to put the fork down..

Sunshine


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Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 2:06pm

There's nothing I can add that hasn't already been said, but I know you're having a ROUGH day, so (((HUGS))) :)


Hang in there... remember that it will get easier over time and realize how strong you are in walking away...don't let it be in vain. You can do it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 2:24pm

And you know what the worst thing of all is? That he says "you don't like me anymore!" yeah, like THAT is the reason why i'm ending the A. because i don't like him. Gosh. that drives me crazy. That a 45 yr old man this type of thinking.


That's not him thinking that way, that's him trying to re-engage you in the affair.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 2:33pm
Hi,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 2:51pm
Energy..i agree with you. Do you think that this is intentional or unintentional manipulation on his part? Just curious.

Sunshine


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Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 2:56pm

Hi, sorry if i confused anyone, no my xAP is not single. We're both M. He's

Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 3:19pm
I'm sorry that post was suppose to be to "gal_lookingforclosur".
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 3:31pm
Completley intentional manipulation...I am answering for her....thats to make you feel bad so that you will open things up again....I heard it so many times from my EXap....its to make you feel bad for hurting him....to question your "love" for him....i could go on and on.....intentional manipulation hands down. and what does it matter? isn't this about you? u have to focus on you and try to ignore his pouting as much as possibel.....remember this is about you. U cant take on him and you....HE WILL BE FINE....like someone else said, he is a big boy....