Help! Need intervention...might give in!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Help! Need intervention...might give in!
20
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 5:53pm
Hi Everybody,

I haven't posted in a while because I thought I had healed and that this chapter of my life was CLOSED. This board is the only thing that kept me from straying again, and I need your help now!

Just to give you a little bit of background...I am married, and in March an aquaintence/friend I work with that I've known for 5 years and always had gotten along with took our usually harmless flirting a little too far. Before I knew it we were sending each other many emails a day and were kind of pushing the limits to see how far we'd go. Dangerous! I never meant anything to happen, but he kissed me. Long story short, we were very intense in the beginning, he got scared and ended things. I was really hurt because although I accept total responsibility for my actions, he pushed it. Then he ended it. Then he started up again, and we ended it again. Off and on for a while. We never had sex, just met in empty rooms at work and fooled around. He is in a serious relationship, so we always knew this was just for fun. Friends with benefits. I crossed a line and called him one night at work when I'd been out drinking with friends and he freaked out. I ended things completely, and felt hurt that obviously there wasn't even a friendship there, that he was using me. It was awful, and I missed our flirtations, chats, and the attention. But I started healing, focused on my marriage (which is going through a really stressful time...deaths, divorces in the family, moving into a new house, you name it.) and was doing ok. I did miss him, though. Ok, so that's the history...

Last week he sent me a really friendly "Hi! I haven't heard from you in a while" type message. We emailed a few times, small talk, a couple of not-too-serious flirty comments. And I was so happy. We were back to being friends and closer to losing the weirdness. Then yesterday he started IMing me, and one thing led to another. We were flirting hard core. He wanted to meet up. I told him I needed to sleep on it...that although I'm still so attracted to him, I didn't want to just jump into anything. We walked out to our cars together, and he got all weird. Said he left his keys and needed to go back in. I told him he must have been distracted, and he smiled and said he'd distract me again tomorrow. Well, I was in tormented hell all night. I know what I should do, and I also know how attracted we are to each other. I didn't sleep at all. AND FOR NOTHING! Not a peep from him all day. I am so tired of this! What is going on? Is he the jerk my best friend thinks he is?

I need your advice and your help...I played with fire again and I'm feeling it.

Thanks so much,

Lil

Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 8:43pm
Lily

Yes he is on top of that he may be a real head case, the question is way are you doing this, do you really need the pain of a nasty divorce in your life because when you get caught cheating the chances are real high of that happening, you will have a new definition for the word pain.

Tell me would you have any problem if you husband had a FWB relationship with some honey on the side.

It,s time to cut the crap and change your IM name delete him from your buddy list change your e-mail address or at the very least block him even go so far as to have your phone company block his number from calling you.

It is time to go TOTAL NO CONTACT or time to reconsider if you want to remain married because your not going to get away with this forever.

Sorry I know this sounds harsh but I think you need a bucket of cold water dumpted on you, remember you did ask for INTERVENTION.

NOW SHAPE UP and start acking like a geown woman and not some foolish 16 year old.


Peace and Love :-)

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 10:00pm
Hi Lil,

Looks like we've got a few BS's here lately huh? :(

Anyway just wanted to suggest that you protect your heart.

What you have experienced with this man is a classic A.

Some are more difficult than others, but more or less they are all the same.

We thrive on the attention, which draws us to them, and allows them to pull the strings whenever they want.

If you enjoy the jolt of positive attention from them(and who doesn't enjoy being flattered)and are willing to accept the fact that the relationship will revolve around your OM and eat away at your marriage at the same time, then go for it.

But in the end, you will be faced with the same thing all the other women that have done this are, themselves, and what they have done.

Keep reading the getting over an affair board for a while. That might help.

I am recovering myself.

*hugs*

Someday


Edited 8/25/2004 10:02 pm ET ET by someday444

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 10:31pm
NO there are NO B/S here, just experience and lots of it, a pat on the head rarely helps and usualy just makes the person giving it feel good with out helping the person being patted on the head.

And I personaly have had the pleasure of recovering from two affairs, it was the up front and honest people that helped me the most in the end.

Free to speak the truth

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 10:55pm
Thank you ALL for your responses. I guess it's really nothing I don't already know, but I need reminding. I agree with you all and accept what you said, but as you all know, even knowing what's right doesn't always provide the strength you need to DO what's right. Reading all of your responses helps me build up the strength. I still feel so weak and unsteady. Hopefully I will get stronger.

Thanks again!
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 9:33am
LOL, you haven't been around much if you think we are B/S's!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 9:09pm
what's a B/S?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 9:23pm
B/S = Betrayed spouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 8:36am

"Keep reading the getting over an affair board for a while. That might help."


Would you mind posting a link to this board?

Love
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 9:40am
you all confuse me... isn't THIS the ending an affair board?

Unless Love was being sarcastic and saying it'd be nice to have a "getting over an affair" board cause that's a hard thing to come by!? LOL

Anyway... I'm still trying to learn ya all's personalities... but I'm all *spin eyes* in the meantime! :p

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 2:20pm

Idesma, I was serious in asking the question.

Love

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