help, never saw this coming...
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| Tue, 02-09-2010 - 9:08am |
First of all, sorry I haven't been around lately. I needed a break from it so I could focus on my M and fully heal. But truth be told, I need this board still.
So it's been almost 3 months of NC and late last night I get my first email from him. I blocked him from the account that we most frequently used but not my other account. A month ago, I would have died to get an email, a text, anything at all to let me know that I actually meant something...and I got nothing. I was so jealous of everyone else here getting those fishing attempts. And now? This is what I got:
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I know I should not respond. I will not respond. (It's so hard though). But if I write it here and tell all of you, then I know I will not do it. Cuz I'm no liar...and no fool :)

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Live:
Don't do it--don't respond!
Livestrong, it's quite an accomplishment to have made it through 3 months and you deserve kudos for making it this far without contact. You're on the right track so, please, do keep running. Try to remember the roller coaster of emotions. You do NOT want to go back there.
What I TRY to do when I'm feeling like making contact is to think it through to the outcome and every time the ending result is something I just don't want anymore even though my thoughts sometimes betray me. Would he ignore me? Probably. How would I feel after that? Not so good I can tell you. Do I want to feel ignored, worthless? NO!!! So I keep myself busy doing something - anything else.
If you were to respond, there is a possibility that you would find yourself back in the affair and I can tell you from experience that if you can make it this far, DO NOT GO BACK. Even if he does miss you, so what? This isn't the life you want, so just ignore the email, block him on that address and continue on your way.
Congratulations on this milestone AND coming here first before doing something you would most definitely regret.
NewDawn
Thanks for the kudos! You're right, it's a slippery slope that will probably end up somewhere I don't want to be...ever again.
I drafted a response and keep repeating "DO NOT HIT SEND!!" I need to delete the darn email and move on.
I'll keep reading your words over and over, especially the DO NOT GO BACK part :)
Don't send it!!! Let me be your warning. I'm the culprit when it comes to breaking NC...phishing. Last year we'd made it 5 weeks NC and stupid me sends what I felt was a harmless text...an offer to recommend his business to a person I'd just met. No reply for almost a day and all that time I was beating myself up for sending it. Then...he replies in his normal cheerful way that sure, any business would be good and I hope you're having fun there, etc. Within hours we were back texting, then chatting on IM, you know. It takes so little to go back because it soothes you...for awhile. Then the roller coaster starts all over again. The doubts, the unanswered emails, less contact, lowered self-esteem.
Take my advice and delete that email. He'll get the picture, I eventually did when he didn't respond to me. Yes, I hated it but I understood - this time he also wanted out bad enough and I have to respect his wishes. I'm sure your xAP will understand as well.
Courage to you,
NewDawn
((Livestrong))
You received great responses and I echo them. "DO NOT GO BACK!" 3 months is huge and you are actually on the threshold of TweenerVille. I would love to give you your wings but first I want to know you deleted that email. ;-)
Don't give up on yourself now. You need to hold your head up high and be proud of your accomplishments. I know I am.
(((Hugs))
~ Iddy~
~Iddy~
The perfect response:
Oh giggles I have a little confession to make. I was watching a movie and thought about you. I was watching Wedding Crashers. You know the one with Vince Vaughn where he is a middle aged man--receding hair line a bit of a gut and is losing his edge and has a pitiful existence of crashing weddings in order to get laid.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
I thought about just hiding in shame but I'll own up to my mistake...
I sent the stupid "draft" email I wrote to him.
Girl, you did not let me down.
Hi LS,
What and you didn’t send my perfect reply? I liked my reply better. Ok not really.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
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