Help please

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Help please
1
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 10:09am
Every day I wake up with a different emotion. Yesterday, MM and I had a very heated discussion. I'm so angry.

First, I'm angry at myself for not doing what I need to do. Why can't I just tell him it's over. Every says, that when I'm ready I'll do it. I feel ready right now. I feel like a balloon that has been filled with to much air. All, I need is that one thing and I will blow.

Then, I'm angry at MM. He is such a liar. He's a coward. I hate the games that he plays with my emotions. He is so cocky, and sure of himself. Sure, that I will continue to put up with all this nonsense.

I promised myself that when/if MM moved out, that I would not react like I did last time. I promised myself that my time was too valuable to be chasing him all around town trying to see what he is doing.

Well, he supposedly left his W last night. Although, I doubt that he did. My first instinct was to be late for work, and see if he if his car was at home this morning. I hate playing the detective.

I need to keep my promise to myself and not play detective, my time is valuable, and I have other things to do. He is not worth any of time.

Please send me some positive vibes. Hoping that I can endure this first day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: secretluver
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 1:28pm
It will get better, but it will take some time. Read and re-read the posts here. You will feel like you are not alone in this whole ordeal. There are so many people here that will give you great advice.

When you want to contact xmm, post here instead it really does help.

My A ended in Sept and I had no idea that I would go through the huge range of emotions that I did. Everyday it was different. Somedays I was sad, others hurt, then angry. You name it and it hit me. Eventually happiness will return. Which is where I am at right now. I actually just saw xmm a few minutes ago, driving down the street while I was out for a walk. We exchanged a friendly wave and that was it. A few months ago, I would have had a much different reaction. So it will get better.

Now that it's been several months I feel like I am back to myself and I am so happy with my life the way it is right now.

Best of luck to you on this journey.