Help....it's a hard day
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| Mon, 12-06-2004 - 11:51am |
This really is awful....what I got myself into.
I was much better off with the lid firmly intact on this "can of worms."
My OM, over the phone, ended our A on Thanksgiving....yuck.
I really thought we could be friends and we've talked again twice. Big mistake. I obviously still love him and my feelings are very intense.
I realize how wrong this A is. It is hurting my marriage and myself. Even if he doens't know it happened it is still hurting him and my kids too......I've been so selfish!!
Problem is, I know this in my head, but don't really believe it in my heart....or believe it enough to run like hell away from this OM.
Someone posted about the brain chemicals involved in "new love" and boy howdy is that true!! It is a physical addiction....as well as emotional one too.
I want to talk to him so bad today. I just need to keep busy.
I need to not ever talk to him again...oooh I hate that!
Much encouragement needed girls...
Thanks,
~Baby

Blue,
<<>>
Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start over again with NC. We have ALL slid off that slipery slope more than once. All you can do is try, try again. You've already admitted that it's wrong and hurting your marriage. That's a very important realization and is helping you to lean in the right direction. No one ever said it's going to be easy. Keep posting here, and read EVERYRTHING on this board. Feel the pain and hurt of these ladies and know that you are not alone in ending this struggle. Believe in yourself, and you can do it.
Wishing you strength and wisdom,
~True~
As you're trying to keep a lid on it and maintain your NC, I suggest you visualize this scenario:
Imagine lying in bed crying over the hurt from ending your affair while your husband marches your children into your bedroom telling them to come look at their cheating Mom crying over her loss of her boyfriend.
Think I'm harsh or cynical?
That "imaginary" scenario is exactly what my ex-wife did with our 4 kids and me when she learned of one of my affairs.
The emotional damage is permanent. The memory does NOT go back to non-existent. It does fade into the background, yet still there, with occasional comments from the kids some 13 years later.....BTDT.
I can't emphasize enough the value in ending your affair, keeping the lid CLOSED, and moving forward....either with your husband and hashing out whatever you used as justification to be in the affair in the first place OR without your husband and on your own SINGLE before initiating another relationship with a different man.
The kids are watching and will remember...........
cl-nre
I feel your pain. I spent alot of last night and the first part of today looking at the cell phone for some kind of text msg or missed call. It doesn't mean that I would respond to it, it just hurts my ego to know that this is so much easier for him. He seems to have alot more diversion than I do. Finally I put the cell phone in my purse and I am not going to look at it. I have no reason to. Over means over and the sooner I come to grips with that the better. My XOM also said that he still wants me in his life....although he didn't use the word "friend". It isn't possible and it isn't what is good for me. It will only hurt me more and it is inappropriate.
So hear I am..posting on this board and counting the days of NC. This is the last time I am going thru this. My heart couldn't stand to go thru this again. I'd rather kill myself.
Jazzdiva
I made it...well, I've almost made it. Two days NC...almost.
My H will be home in about an hour. My oldest gets home from school in 20 minutes.
I just need to stay busy. I left my cell in the car. I should be ok, but believe me I'm not "puttin' it neutral" and thinkin' I'm home free until I get into bed tonight!!
Thanks for the visual about my kids seeing me cry....how horrible.
As much as I think I'm "in love" with that OM, nothing is worth hurting the people I love the most like that!
I'm trying to keep my brain on the great qualities of my DH today and see the OM in the light of reality. The OM pales in comparison. Problem is, he was the one who paid attention to me when I needed it most. And I was foolish enough to soak it up like a sponge. I see that now, but it doesn't really make it easier.
I'm gettin' there. Baby steps.
I need to change my password here....it's the OM's name!!!! Oh brother!!
More later,
~Baby
Good idea to put the cell phone in the car. I feel the way that you do...that I don't feel like I managed to put in a full day of NC until I'm in bed and asleep!
Looks like we're on the same schedule here at two days NC. Let's be strong for eachother.
Jazzdiva