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| Sun, 11-14-2004 - 10:16pm |
This is my first time to post to this site, and it's frankly a welcome site to see other people that are going through the same emotions as I am. While reading through the posts I concluded that many people have a workplace A. I ended my A about 2 weeks ago and it's been pretty rough. Somedays are good and some are bad. I think the only reason we broke it off is because is wife is pregnant. Everyone might call me crazy, but I never thought my xMM would leave his W for me. He never implied it. We got involved through (surprise surprise) work, and he really is one of the only people I have ever met that understands me. I am one of these girls that is goofy and fun, but also a complete closet nerd. hahah I think it's funny when I call myself that. Therefore most people think whaty they see is what they get with me and it's no at all true. He is the only person in a long time that I could open up to. We really connect. But, like all good love stories, it ended. My xMM is taking it hard too. We really feel like we were supposed to be together. I guess if we really were then we would be.
I wanted to tell everyone else thank you for sharing because it makes a huge difference. These stories are not something you would tell your parents or even siblings. It's nice to get it out. I don't regret the last year of my life because I learned so much about myself and about the world. My xMM is one of the most intelligent people I have ever known, he taught me so much that I am thankful for. I think we all learn from this situation. Since I have only been out of this for two weeks, if anyone has some advice, let me hear it! I can use all the support I can find.
Thanks!

Forgive me for coming across as HARSH...but how can you perceive your relationship with the exMM as positive? He is married for gosh sake! How do you suppose his wife would feel, pregnant, that her hubby was having an affair?
When I was having an affair with the exMM (I am married myself), I justified it as we were both not happy (his wife did not give a damn about him, yada, yada...), took the short cut (wimpy way out) and "got together." All wrong and BS. Even if he were single tomorrow (by the way, his divorce will finalize coming January), I still would not want to be with him...would not trust him, be paranoid. Overall, he has a poor track record (and so do I!).
I may create enemies based upon my "now conservative" views...but I can assure you, I once thought the "most positive" about the exMM, even after we stopped communicating. After awhile, his flaws became much more apparent...in all, he is a mistake, a NEGATIVE. We are both married, all wrong how ever you manipulate the equation. All selfishness.
The "positive" attitude you have...would literally suck you back into a relationship that is horrific all the way around. Answer this question: did you feel positive about yourself when you were sneaking around with this man? And furthermore, forced to break up because his wife is pregnant? Sounds warped to me. A person who genuinely loves you would never subject you to that. I am sorry...but I am being honest. Maybe after some time away from your exMM (via NC) you might perhaps understand from my perspective (two weeks not exactly enough time). This is not to say, suggest that your exMM is evil or anything of that nature...just bottomline is NEGATIVE. Why? Because the line has been crossed- no going back.
Beenthere
Hi SBH,
Welcome to the board, I have a question I hope you dont mind. Why did your affair end? I saw a reply and someone mentioned W pregnant. If that is the case I have a story to tell you about my affair. VERY SIMILIAR.
Ladybug
We finally ended the relationship because his wife is pregnant. They honestly didn't think they could have children, but I guess that mystery has been put to rest. This is a story where I only get one side. He says that he doesn't connect with this wife and other people I know say that they aren't exactly the haappiest looking couple. They married because they didn't want to be alone. Then he met me. We tried before to end the A, but failed. We just enjoyed being together too much. I truely enjoyed having someone to talk to that talks back. He is an incredibly intelligent man and conversations with him were intriguing. I have lots of friends, but not many stimulate my brain like he can. That's what drew me in the first time. Another user wrote about how nothing positive can come of this, but I totally believe that at least a lesson in life is learned. His W knows about this. I don't know how much, but she knows. So what is your story? Thanks for sharing with me!
Sadbuthappy
Oh sure the bottomline is negative. Even the first look was a bad thing. BUT fact of the matter, this happened and there is nothing I can do to change it. Instead of thinking of this entire situation in a horrible light and making him out to be a monster, I just try and think of the things he has taught me and the BIG lesson I learned from it. I had a wonderful time with him. We both, however, fell for each other and I do feel like crap for it. His W knows about this. Crazily enough she isn't ready to come after me. They married because they didn't want to be alone which I don't consider a very compelling reason. She almost did the same thing just before they got married. How's that for irony. Having an A has nothing but a negative connotation. I know first hand as well as you. He is the one having to deal with his new life, not me. I am going to have to be selfish in this case because he isn't here and won't ever be. I had him for a while, now I don't. I just have to deal with still having to work in the same company with him. I can do that, we really don't have to talk very much.
What we did is not good. My xMM and I are both good hearted people that got into trouble. I don't blame him anymore than I blame myself. I hurt, you hurt, he hurts, your xMM hurts. We should start a freaking hurt club. Yeah you were a bit nasty in the post, but I don't care because I probably needed to see it. Thanks for responding.
SBH